Author: Whiskey Momma

I cannot stand dealing with your shit…but I have to. We all do. It’s ridiculous how you project your shit into other people and interrupt their lives. It’s selfish, it’s insufferable, and when you get your way when you’re being an awful and hurtful human I want to punch you in the throat.

Seriously. We know these emotional vampires that steal light and hope from others. Personally, I know way too many. Who’s fault is it? Mine. It’s also theirs, but mostly it’s mine for allowing those personalities into my air. I know I can choose some of the times this happens but what about the times we can’t control whether or not the vampires are in our lives.

Like work. I have worked in environments where the person who bitches the loudest and is the most sociopathic wins. At the very least these assholes are histrionic or narcissists. They manipulate situations and appear to be nice, however, in really they are conniving, insecure beasts. FYI-most of the time these folks don’t like me; they aren’t able to sell me their line of bullshit.

The downside of smelling their BS, they turn on you. They file complaints that have grains of truth but bastardize the facts. They interrupt the livelihoods of good employees who ordinarily work hard and want to be successful by gossiping, mistrust, manipulative behaviors, and just an overall blowing sunshine up the assets of those around them.

I’ve had my fair share of the people that abuse a system that’s broken and in desperate need of repair. I’m kind of a bad ass so when this has happened it’s been traumatic, but I can handle it with some support. It’s when the good and kind are attacked that sticks in my crawl.

I wish I had this blog several years back when I had my single white female stalker at work. She was absolutely a charmer who had my work life disrupted because of her actions (similar and exact to a narcissist). But I survived. I had good friends and supportive leaders it the damage was done. When situations arise and affects my circle I react.

When I see people I care about exhibiting similar traits (which I am currently seeing) I cringe and have to re-evaluate my circle. I try to intervene and offer support, then I take a step back and look at as many angles as possible-and attempt to give the benefit of a doubt.

What can you do if you are this creature sucking or manipulating others to meet a need? Get help. Period. Talk to someone about learning ways to change your mind and heart. You are lowering morale, you are hurting others, and you are hurting yourself. Unfortunately, you may not think what you’re doing is wrong. It is.

If you are the recipient-walk away. Toxic people are damaging to your health. If you work with these people surround yourself with a rock solid team to lean on and invest in a big box of coping skills. Most of all, practice self care. It’s is absolutely necessary. Those people really suck. Don’t let them suck the life out of you.

This is absolutely dedicated to my dear friends across the country who live with the parasitic humans that suck the life out of them. I am with you in person and in spirit.

~WM~

Have you ever told a person that you really liked them but didn’t want to hurt them or lose them in your life of blah blah blah happens? This is rejection. Have you ever told someone that they are amazing and you’d feel terrible to ever hurt them because you don’t want to lose their friendship? This is rejection.

As sweet as these statements and sentiments are meant to be, they are painful to hear. They lead to bad decisions and hurt feelings (feeling insecure sucks so fucking bad). But even worse, it reinforces the walls I and others build to keep pain away. The bullshit you tell yourself then tell me and other women you want to keep in the wings until you are done with whatever crisis you are dealing with is absolute bullshit.

If you are so insecure that you need multiple humans sidelined to stroke your ego as needed, you have more problems than you realize. It’s time to go talk to someone about your next level issues. Stop using women as your surrogate for self-worth and inflated ego. If you don’t change your ways now, you’ll be an old man going out looking for the next person to fill that void.

Guess what gals, this is for you too. Stop looking for the guy to pay for your meal and booze in exchange for attention (sex) to fill your self-worth cup. Buy your own! That’s where value and empowerment come from. Don’t make a guy drop $200 to make you feel wanted. Want YOURSELF! Save $200 and put that towards your own bills! That’s empowering and it’s fiscal responsibility.

Humans are meant to be connected. But stop forcing connections because you’re afraid of being alone. Connect with yourself. Then call a gal or a guy. But don’t call me…your bullshit games already cost you. If we ain’t talking it’s because your shit is not together. I’m really good with that too…

Stop repackaging the outside with pretty clothes and a nice haircut. Perhaps you could repurpose the inside, by reading a book that helps you grow or reach out to someone and work through some of those fears you’re having that causes you to believe you MUST have multiple sexual relationships at once.

Either way moving forward nothing will change unless you do something different about it. I hope you do something different. ~WM~

There are so many milestones that couples have and possibly take for granted during the term or tenure of their relationships. They vary from supportive shoe shopping to life changing moments (which may fall under the shoe shopping category). When big relationships change to singledom that entails doing the shoe shopping and the hard shit alone.

Don’t get me wrong I’m a total badass and can do it…however, having that partner to help with the burden is nice. I feel stupid (as I assume others do too) that I sometimes become overwhelmed with all that must be done in order to either keep things moving forward or get things back on track. I’m assured that feeling this way is unnecessary, however, it is understandable to feel this way.

Marching through life alone is not how humans were created to exist…we know this. However, I’m not alone. I have a super support system and some people are helpful when you least expect it. Also, for those who feel or are single, this does not mean you are alone…even though it may feel that way.

Asking for help may be hard for folks (it’s the worst for me) AND there will be times when we all have to do it or suffer the consequences for asking or not asking, which could be positive or negative. Just for the record, I asked for help. Most people made it easy, others made it humiliating and a great lesson was learned.

When distance is an obstacle for support persons, one may feel more frustration and feelings of being alone. Having good self-care habits come in handy. I like hot baths with oils, a two finger (usually three 😎) neat of something beautiful, strong, and sip worthy, and of course, my people. I can message and complain to my humans knowing I’ll get that positive encouragement I need. Maybe a little enabling or sometimes, I may be taken to task.

Either way-I get what my soul needs to rebuild the energy I need to rock my role with my responsibilities, working seven days a week, being a volunteer, and still support my humans when they need it. I’m also a big supporter of setting boundaries with my support system. This simply means being able to say “no” when you are at your limit. They’ll respect that…and if not, maybe they’re not the best person to have in your circle.

Some simple tips to identify whether your friendship is mutually beneficial and supportive in a healthy way…

1. Do they offer you genuine support? Real friends enable feelings of feeling supported, confident, cared about, and happy. Not all the time and not every single time-and during the those less fuzzy feeling times they may be dealing with their own shit show, so maybe step up and check on them.

2. Are they actively listening? Honestly, in person is always best for me with active listening. Even then, I have to really focus. I do the active listening on the job everyday and I’m tired. So I have to ask myself-am I reflecting back, am I asking questions if they need to be asked, and the big one-am I just listening when that is clearly what they need? FYI-listing is not solving or fixing. I know we want to but that’s not helpful.

3. Are they a participant in open and honest dialogue? Again, the “open and honest” approach is crucial!! If it’s one sided, shrink your circle. No one has time for the drama that comes with dishonest “he said, she said” shit. Close that door and nail it shut.

Right now distance is my enemy, however, I love technology and the ability to make the distance disappear when I need my guy. Due to recent life events our technology is less at times, not because we want it to be, but because we set limits for safety reasons. Open and honestly-We hate it. However, the alternative could be much worse. This is a no brainer, no matter how much we dislike it.

Getting support from and being able to set limits…but still be able to give and receive support is important for every human. Spouses/partners, best friends, children, co-workers, bosses, pets, and bartenders…

Special Add- I hated my situation of being alone and adding insult to injury of being told a recent divorce blah blah blah…it felt awful to hear that my leaving a bad relationship was creating a hardship that meant me I had to ask for help. However, I have a few people to thank for listening to me complain and make the usual bitchy statements. My group lifted my spirit and gave me spirits, which fortified my soul. For that I’m forever thankful for…~WM~

Ahhhh….the doors of love have been opened and are swinging wide in my world. What does that shit even mean?? Well it may mean a few things. But most of all it means I have the feels and more specifically, having real and strong human feelings! Yikes!

I have talked about my “in-love” experiences-meaning, never have I ever…and there was the jealousy thing one or two times. However, those feelings solidified one of my best friendships. Then there’s the “what if I settled, nope not gonna do that” game. Then BAM!

After resorting to singledom for the rest of eternity (not to be confused with being unhappy cause I rocked being single) as a result of confusion and games, I was gently reminded by one of my favorite humans that he knew I could “give a fuck less about love and men” and then told me “had an admirer.” The statement was laughable. I cringed. I wanted no part of this male human. Ugh.

But after being told how he was the most incredibly kind human(which BTW, is true)…and me being prone to challenging those theories…the rest, they say, is history. My friend was spot on. This guy was and is incredible. He’s funny, smart,(smarter than anyone I’ve ever met) and I can breath easy and not have to carry the conversation. Not to say I don’t yap-cause I do. But it’s easy. I’ve met only three guys that I could really carry a conversation with, but there were other puzzle pieces missing.

The pieces of the puzzle are absolutely complete now. I’m not gonna go too deep into the reasons why, however, I can say I’ve never felt more human, more loved, and more like I’m living-versus just being alive. There is no drama and no bullshit. When he talks to me, he’s present. Not on his phone, not talking to other girls, and no bullying or power trip bullshit.

One big character trait I am fond of is honesty. I remember when I’d lie to my mom and she’d say-“don’t lie to me” and finally I was like, “are you sure you want to know the truth?” She said she was, but she stopped asking me questions. I think over time, my honesty made her blush. So, to receive the pure unadulterated truth at the end of the hard conversations, knowing that no matter what bumps we hit he will be honest is very refreshing.

My guy is driven by “doing no harm” and being a responsible and kind human. I’m not saying others aren’t, I’m just saying he is and he is so good at this. He’s secure in himself, he is driven to be successful and and happy, and is super secure with my success. In fact he beams with pride and builds me up higher and higher everyday with his encouragement.

Honestly, I can’t imagine a life where this human of mine doesn’t exist. Is it fast, maybe…but the universe is telling me that love is all around me and I’ve been blessed. I’m not a gusher…but this human brings out the feels and they’re the most honest, the realest and deepest, quite possibly the healthiest feelings I have ever experienced.

Honestly…

What a magnificent journey we’ve been on so far. Who is ready for the next adventure? This guy of mine knows the task of being hitched to WM…let’s make sure he is brought to task…jk-but honestly…~WM~

I was talking to my human last night and the word “compromise” came up. Our conversations entail and are driven by our open communication/dialogue (we talk about everything that pops into our minds and out our mouths) and whatever expectations we may have-which there are very few expectations but we have lots of life and couple goals.

I feel I can speak for him and say we feel safe with one another and hard discussions are easier to have. The hardest conversations (for me) that we have had so far-how to make our schedules match up to see each other in person. (Thank god for technology.) We have the most interesting conversations (some may think not, but we don’t give AF) about protons, gravitational rotation, and dead isotopes. Aren’t you having all the feels right now?? I am.

However, last night the word compromise came up. It’s an interesting word that means different things to different people…what does that word mean to you? Maybe I can shed some light on the word. My guy said-“It’s amazing how we compromise ourselves in a relationship.” As a listener I caught the difference between “compromising in a relationship” and “compromising yourself in a relationship.”

Compromising in a relationship versus compromising oneself in a relationship has distinct differences. For example, I thought I would never allow someone to treat me in a way that makes me feel bad about myself or that I’m not important-however, I allowed this mistreatment and I’d discourage anyone else from allowing it. However, because I had little responsibilities I allowed this to be done to me. Which in turn-I did to myself and I compromised who I was and who I am.

Let’s break this down even more…was there any other choice I had given the information I had and the place I was with my Little’s? Maybe. Maybe not. I cannot and will not compromise my mental health by playing the “what if” game, however, moving forward I will not compromise me or who I am in any relationship, no matter who the relationship is with-friends, family, colleagues-and I know I won’t have to do this with my binary partner.

There are other ways people compromise themselves in a relationship. For example, when people change themselves to bend towards how they perceive the other person wants them to act in order to feel accepted, wanted, or to stay in a relationship. As previously blogged, Hook tried to be in a relationship and it didn’t fit. He tried to “let it go” and she fought it. Doing so made her appear weak, desperate, and frankly-pathetic.

She attempted to manipulate him in situations to appear to be a victim. I personally observed her exhibit passive aggressive behaviors in effort to keep this “fantasy” and unhealthy pursuit afloat. As a human and a woman, I know this is not how I’d want to be perceived by anyone.

If I were to be perceived this way (which I’m sure I have been) I would want someone to say “whiskey momma- you are amazing just the way you are. You don’t need any other human to validate you or measure your worth by their love for you.” I’d want them to tell me that the love I’m looking for starts from within and then encourage me find positive qualities to explore about myself.

It’s a lot easier to say you or I will do this than actually do it when or if the time comes to hold your head up high and believe in yourself. Especially if you haven’t seen a strong sense of self-confidence exhibited in your circle of trust. Which unfortunately, tends to be the case sometimes. This is where it’s helpful to have a friend like me to point out your strength and I’ll help carry you when you feel too weak to keep moving forward.

I’d like to point out that women are not the only ones to compromise themselves in relationships. Men are often abused emotionally and psychologically by their partners. Making your husband or boyfriend feel unimportant or unwanted can and has led to dangerous interactions or self-destructive behaviors in relationships. Compromising who they are…

I’ve written about men and how they’re scared to be hurt again in a relationship. This fear is a manifestation of how they’ve been treated in the past, and knowing only one way to not feel pain and suffering in the future-avoid it. Possibly missing out on what could be an amazing future with someone that was made for them. Compromising who they are…

I love that these conversations come up in my relationship with my humans. I love that it’s not just with my guy but with the strong circle I have that supports me and my endeavors. I appreciate them and the fact that I no longer have to compromise who I am to be complacent with a behavior to “keep someone close to me.” It’s complete bullshit and I don’t want you in my life if you expect anything more than who I am.

I love who inspired this topic initially, and I love that I can relate to this tragic behavior. I had so much support and guidance through my journey to my star and encourage a nice bottle of bourbon for this process (if applicable), but that’s just me…~WM~

Before you take a giant presumptuous leap of judgement thinking that I don’t support Valentine’s Day (fully) let me explain myself. I harp (yes harp) everyday to those who will listen, that love should be treasured, celebrated, and cherished everyday, not just a show of obligation one assigned day of the year.

However, in the tradition of eating my own words…not everyone takes one day each year to express their affections. Those who do may have good reasons. For example, maybe that’s the tradition two lovebirds have that is meaningful to them. Maybe a partner has a block and it’s difficult to show affection or love emotions and this is the one day they feel they can communicate their affections without judgement or shame.

Maybe Valentine’s Day is an outlet for shy wannabe lovers to show their affection. Maybe it’s an anniversary of some hilarious anecdote. I don’t know. I do know though, for me, I stand by my words that showing your love (not abuse, that’s not love) everyday is beneficial to the betterment of the world.

If you love or even like someone near you, and you tell them, their day is brighter, they may be nicer to those around them, then those people spread the love to their people, then their people and so on. If you love or like someone far away, it’s the same- tell them, do the work, show the effort. Think about spreading that love across the world.

Interestingly, I almost wrote “the small” or “ little” things add up. However, I’m not going to put a quantifier on what’s “little or small.” Anything anyone is willing to do in the name of love, is love. It’s effort. It’s a show of human vulnerability to say-“you are important to me.” It tells someone they are special and connected. Everyone needs attention whether they want it or not. Period.

Some people have difficulty showing affection or may not have been taught, or even worse, tried to receive affection by earning it from someone who was abusive. Therefore, being gentle to express your needs or desires will have greater rewards and payoff; but you need to express your needs and work with your loved ones to develop and grow with one another.

For those who celebrate Valentine’s Day, and will be celebrating the day alone, do something nice for yourself. For example, practice some self-care. Take a bath (that’s good hygiene too), read a book, make a yourself a nice dinner. Appreciate your independence; it’s a beautiful thing.

Throughout history one has not been able to truly love another in a capacity that promotes relationship equality or a solid foundation of trust, understanding, and wholeness unless they have healed fully themselves. Take time to be alone and explore who you are and grow to become the person you project and desire to be.

I always want to support my humans. There are some that will be in my heart always and there are many I’ve let fade into the night for very good reasons. If I have said the above same written words to you, you will be in my heart always and I will always offer my support. ~WM~

I know I write a lot about a lot of stuff. But something rolling around in my noggin since “shallow” (which I refer to a lot) is the acceptance of someone unconditionally and what does unconditionally mean to me. We all have levels of what unconditional means to us and what we are willing to have as a set standard and I’ve been considering what my standards are.

I’ve declared my measuring stick markers, but I never exclaimed what happens when those markers are met. You know why? They’ve never been met. That is until now. So now is the time for the story of what happens when the markers are met. Backtracking a little bit, there have been times when some or the majority of my markers have been met. I may have even been “ok” with that and could’ve been happy without “really settling.” However, I don’t think the unconditionally part could’ve been met until a progression of time occurred.

So “unconditionally,” the magic word of the day. I love my little responsibilities that I created and the bonus responsibilities that I have adopted, “unconditionally” without end and no matter what, I will always love them. Other humans have to earn that shit.

Luckily, I have amazing parents and I love them unconditionally. Yeah, I know, I don’t like them or their actions at times, but I will always love them until such a time they lose that love (this would take an egregious act). The same is for my siblings and closest friends (they know who they are, because I tell them). For a love interest it means something a little different for me.

It’s beyond a previous description of “accepting the person exactly where they are, with all their baggage and who they are.” It’s beyond working things out to have a lunch or squeeze an activity into a busy week. It’s moving mountains, taking risks, sharing every vulnerability (the good, the bad, and the ugly), and it doesn’t feel like work. It feels like adventure.

It doesn’t feel like an effort because it feels like it’s as natural as breathing or eating. It feels like someone knows every part of you and you don’t have to say a word. It feels like the world has tethered me to the safest place to fall I have ever had, with zero judgement but a hundred percent accountability. I feel like a kid, but empowered to be the amazing adult human I strive to be.

Never have I ever known the power that “unconditionally” yields. Until now…more to come soon.

Yep. It’s time to dig a little deeper…yes, I can definitely dig deeper. Especially with so much material. But first. I need to make some wrongs, right. When I started this particular blog it was after a conversation with one of my favorite humans. They described themselves as being “shallow” and gave a vague example of what this meant to them, however, what I heard was “what I wanted to hear.”

I was looking for a single shred of evidence to support a hypothesis (I’m a social scientist, it’s what I do, right?) I had about not just him, but others in his tribe. What tribe is this? It’s the “I’m gonna keep doing the same pattern of behavior over and over, and expect different results tribe.” As a scientist I didn’t follow the steps to validate the evidence, I just heard what I wanted or assumed I heard. Which created some issues. What?! I know. Guess who else is in that tribe?

I rolled the thought of this person being shallow around in my head processing over and over what it meant, not just to me, but also, how I could translate this into written word to help others understand. Little did I know I was about to get some schooling and mirroring of my own crap.

So let’s define shallow based on what we’ve been taught and the written definition. A shallow person is “someone who focuses on how much money a person has and their looks.” Guess what? We all have this on our check list. Deny it all you want-I tried. It’s true. We all have some level of what may be perceived as shallow views when looking for a partner and friends.

A follow up conversation and a few mini interactions later I gained significant insight into what he believed shallow was and how he used and had the conviction to use this perception as a filter for relationships. I don’t want to share too much for the protection of the innocent and it’s not the point of the blog however, He went on a “get together” for drinks and was blasted by “I need a husband Barbie” and her insistence to get into a relationship and how she was such a good woman-selling her points hard by demonstrating a desperate attempt to use beauty and sexuality as a tether to “land a big catch.”

We talked about how attractive outward appearances are important and ways they may not be important. However, if the first contact is in picture or face to face, physical attraction will be the catalyst. If it’s picture and written word, it maybe more about the content of the messages and the vulnerability of what is being shared that creates a more intense connections. Think of the messages as mini “love letters.” (Unless your intent is for a hook up only)

When directly confronted by someone who despises bullshit, especially, when they are lying to themselves to perpetuate a negative behavior pattern, the defensive tactic used was posed to me: “so if a one eyed man asked you out, would you go out with them?” Of course because I was trying to teach him a lesson my immediate response was absolutely however I cannot discount the possibility that this guy with one eye has other issues going on that I would find less attractive so maybe I wouldn’t maybe I wouldn’t go out with this guy. But, I wouldn’t let the fact that he has one eye be the reason why I wouldn’t go out with him.

Unfortunately, because of this question being posed I have surmised that my level of shallowness is as follows-Good hygiene is necessary. Because it’s important for me to be able to maintain and provide for my own family they have to have a job, I would prefer them to have a job that they love or at least they are passionate about. Sincere self confidence, with an ability to have insight to know when they need support and accept it. They must believe in God. Similar political beliefs are a plus, but at the very least not willing to condone bullying behaviors by our leaders or any other human. Can hold themselves accountable. If these shallow markers can be met…we might be able to be friends.

Notice looks (minus hygiene) and money (except they have to work and like their job) are not the focus. There’s obviously going to be other personality markers that either make me like the person or dislike the person that’s a basic marker for connectivity. But the listed above are my criteria just to get the foot in the door.

I’m going to close this blog by repeating some things that I have said over and over and over. 1- have those early conversations and be honest about what you like and dislike. 2-do not change who you are to bend to someone else. If you do that now it’s not real you’re going to get into a relationship under false pretense and you’re going to develop resentments and hostility because you’re not the person you are truly meant to be. 3-stop thinking that you need someone to be beside you in order to feel good about yourself find what makes you happy inside of you.

As always this blog is my process and not a fit for everyone. Should you find yourself having a negative reaction to the message, I encourage you to explore that within yourself. It’s written with sincerity and a real and genuine purpose. ~WM~

I have had the profound privilege and honor of being able to meet and talk to some really incredible humans. I have learned through my recent life lessons that I have clearly been doing the relationship and love thing half assed. I have spoken to both men and women about their woes and struggles with connecting with their respective partners, in addition to their prospective love interests.

What I hear is all the same. “They are so nice, but…” and “ugh, they hit most marks but…” I have a few theories about why folks are so incompatible after the first six-months or less of their “relationship.” I have proposed this theory in the blog in addition to those who are struggling and complaining about their said relationship.

COMMUNICATION…again. But this time, I’ll add more in-depth details. For example. In these modern times messaging is the go to to make contact with prospective interests. They look at a facebook picture and they either like it or not. What I have discovered is that there are many that post pictures layered and loaded with filters. (Shame you can’t use filters for personalities)

The initial contact takes courage and gumption, but the follow through is comical and often laced with insecurities and a hidden agenda. How do I know this, because I have a hidden agenda. My agenda may not be so different from some, but I can vouch it is different than most. My agenda is to cut through the bullshit and find out who the human behind the keyboard really is.

I have received many, “you’re pretties,” and “what do you do for fun’s.” But it’s the bullshit callers, the whiskey lovers, and the reality based humans that have impacted me the most. Some folks that have hit the inner circle I actually met in person before connecting online and have since become “besties” and really close friends spending time together after hours sharing and breaking bread together.

As previously mentioned in a way back blog, one gentleman (Davy Jones; the musician and the Pirate, watch out Hook) told me “intelligence was sexy“ I thanked him kindly, then asked him,what he knew about my intelligence. His response was so real that he had obviously put some thought into his statement prior to making it. Little did I know that a conversation that kicked off several months ago would make me think about the level of what love could be today. ( I thought I knew all there was to know about this NOPE)

What appeared to be engineered as a solid friendship, has evolved into this relationship that challenges my beliefs and what I thought I knew about love and the next level that one can achieve with love. He spoke about past loves he had and how connected he was to them through his soul. WTF! I never knew this existed, let alone feel or experience before. When I asked him to describe this more, he said it was “euphoric” and that it was “beyond just falling in love.” He described this beautiful concept that I feel like I have only seen in movies or read about in books. It BLEW my mind.

So much that I had to take a few days to process what he was discussing. I shared this new perspective and concept with some of my buddies. They were thrown off and unaware of this concept, which made me feel less alone in the loveless world I live in. One buddy said she knew “one person like this,” (I checked, they aren’t the same person) and the audience in the room was completely surprised to the fact that there are two humans that have this perspective, let alone two men!

Which made me think about this and process the topic a little deeper. What if there are more “Davy Jones” out there and they are hiding in plain sight because they haven’t been given the chance to express or give love the way they want to or connect and express the love they have out of fear or shame for being so expressive. I say this because when I was describing this to a group of guys, while all by one was in support of this dynamic, one guy (who is 65) had nothing nice to say about this expressive style of emotion.

I gently explained the generation gap, noting that how he was raised to suppress his emotions (which BTW he is alone and watches a lot of porn) may have an impact on his perspective on love…anyway. The other participants were ecstatic with the news that another man was willing to share these feelings. Of course they had advice and recommendations on how to keep this particular relationship (all of which I am well versed in).

But the truth is…I’m not sure I am worthy of this level of intimacy. I want to be. I want to have this type of emotional connectivity, but it’s scary to be vulnerable with my heart. Yikes! I know something this emotional would be amazing, but its scary as fuck. The things I tell myself often determine the direction I allow my heart to go.

I remember writing about the first time I fell in love, and how the guy would play songs for me that I didn’t pay much attention to until later in my life. Now I listen to the music that is being sent to me regularly and I am a big fan…I’m also paying attention this time. As Mr. Brooks once sang, “Life are better left to chance, I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d have missed the dance. Don’t miss the dance…

The most telling of how this may play out will be how I cope after this blog is published. I am unable to “spill my guts” on this until I see more on how this plays out…I enjoy putting up walls and create a pain prevention plan, however, this opening of the heart is making me feel better even when I feel worse. ~WM~