It’s My Grief and I’ll Cry If I Want To…

I miss my mom so much. Today as I was completing assessments and evaluations for work and realized I feel like I’m at the point where I think it may be uncomfortable for others when I mention how much I miss my mom. Like I’ve hit the expiration date on being able to talk about her death or the loss to others.

I have a really close friend who has lost many loved ones to tragedies. Not just accidentally deaths or an illness, they were taken by violent crimes. This person told me once, that someone close to them had stated it was time to “move on” from her grief. Unfortunately, that sentence has stuck in my crawl since that day.

Even though I hadn’t lost anyone so close to me at that time in my life I started my journey of anxiety about how others may look at my grief when the time comes. Looks like I’m there and I’m here to say, I don’t care. If someone takes issue with their discomfort with my expression of loss that’s NOT my shit-it’s theirs.

I will consider their feelings and abilities to accept I am an “advanced emotional response human,” (trademark pending) however, MAYBE the people who are uncomfortable with emotions were able to read up on the importance of healthy emotional expression, I wouldn’t have to curb my sorrow and sadness. I mean seriously, it’s only been five months!

I don’t know. It’s a theory that seems plausible. I’m not a fan of feeling that much negative emotion. I like to feel it, use the information and make choices based on the information. For example, if I’m feeling sad and thinking about my mom, I’m not going to watch programs on TV that stirs or makes the emotions stronger-like Mary Poppins. I’m gonna watch a movie where people, places, and things are unrealistically blown up. But I’m happy to sit with the feelings and explore why I’m having them and “be okay” with having them.

I could probably rant on about this but the bottom line is this…stop telling, demanding, or passive-aggressively making it uncomfortable for people to express their grief. If you think someone is spending too much time on the loss of their loved one-they are not the problem, you are. If they have signs or symptoms of a deeper issue, i.e., depression that lasts longer than a few weeks, encourage them to talk to a professional.

Thankfully, I talk to myself a lot. JK, I have a great support system and frankly, if anyone says it’s time to move on, I’ll tell them they’re right, and I’ll move on from them.

As always, with blunt force honesty,

~WM~