There are so many milestones that couples have and possibly take for granted during the term or tenure of their relationships. They vary from supportive shoe shopping to life changing moments (which may fall under the shoe shopping category). When big relationships change to singledom that entails doing the shoe shopping and the hard shit alone.
Don’t get me wrong I’m a total badass and can do it…however, having that partner to help with the burden is nice. I feel stupid (as I assume others do too) that I sometimes become overwhelmed with all that must be done in order to either keep things moving forward or get things back on track. I’m assured that feeling this way is unnecessary, however, it is understandable to feel this way.
Marching through life alone is not how humans were created to exist…we know this. However, I’m not alone. I have a super support system and some people are helpful when you least expect it. Also, for those who feel or are single, this does not mean you are alone…even though it may feel that way.
Asking for help may be hard for folks (it’s the worst for me) AND there will be times when we all have to do it or suffer the consequences for asking or not asking, which could be positive or negative. Just for the record, I asked for help. Most people made it easy, others made it humiliating and a great lesson was learned.
When distance is an obstacle for support persons, one may feel more frustration and feelings of being alone. Having good self-care habits come in handy. I like hot baths with oils, a two finger (usually three 😎) neat of something beautiful, strong, and sip worthy, and of course, my people. I can message and complain to my humans knowing I’ll get that positive encouragement I need. Maybe a little enabling or sometimes, I may be taken to task.
Either way-I get what my soul needs to rebuild the energy I need to rock my role with my responsibilities, working seven days a week, being a volunteer, and still support my humans when they need it. I’m also a big supporter of setting boundaries with my support system. This simply means being able to say “no” when you are at your limit. They’ll respect that…and if not, maybe they’re not the best person to have in your circle.
Some simple tips to identify whether your friendship is mutually beneficial and supportive in a healthy way…
1. Do they offer you genuine support? Real friends enable feelings of feeling supported, confident, cared about, and happy. Not all the time and not every single time-and during the those less fuzzy feeling times they may be dealing with their own shit show, so maybe step up and check on them.
2. Are they actively listening? Honestly, in person is always best for me with active listening. Even then, I have to really focus. I do the active listening on the job everyday and I’m tired. So I have to ask myself-am I reflecting back, am I asking questions if they need to be asked, and the big one-am I just listening when that is clearly what they need? FYI-listing is not solving or fixing. I know we want to but that’s not helpful.
3. Are they a participant in open and honest dialogue? Again, the “open and honest” approach is crucial!! If it’s one sided, shrink your circle. No one has time for the drama that comes with dishonest “he said, she said” shit. Close that door and nail it shut.
Right now distance is my enemy, however, I love technology and the ability to make the distance disappear when I need my guy. Due to recent life events our technology is less at times, not because we want it to be, but because we set limits for safety reasons. Open and honestly-We hate it. However, the alternative could be much worse. This is a no brainer, no matter how much we dislike it.
Getting support from and being able to set limits…but still be able to give and receive support is important for every human. Spouses/partners, best friends, children, co-workers, bosses, pets, and bartenders…
Special Add- I hated my situation of being alone and adding insult to injury of being told a recent divorce blah blah blah…it felt awful to hear that my leaving a bad relationship was creating a hardship that meant me I had to ask for help. However, I have a few people to thank for listening to me complain and make the usual bitchy statements. My group lifted my spirit and gave me spirits, which fortified my soul. For that I’m forever thankful for…~WM~
Whiskey Momma 