My last blog was a hard write that hit some folks where it hurt. Even harder, was the aftermath of writing the blog. I was told “it took a lot of courage,” and that it was “raw, honest, and deep.” I was also sent over fifty messages from other people telling me how they have felt the same feelings, and are afraid to be honest because of what pain they may suffer as a result. Bullshit.
As a response to the first comment, I was simply empowered to be able to own how I felt related to how I was processing whatever was happening. After some thought and exploration to what I was feeling and experiencing something inside me changed. My feelings shifted to consideration and empathy for those who struggle expressing their feelings to those who the feelings may be about.
Let me say that I have never been one to shy away from being honest and forthcoming in my thoughts and opinions (shocking, right?) telling someone how the lying and manipulative fist shaped thing in my chest was feeling did not always feel like an option. Until Now. Now it’s on.
Now, I have no issue telling someone how I feel about them. I have told them when they are crossing lines, when they need to reconsider who they think they are speaking to and how they are speaking to me (tone, right Hook?). In addition, I have told them how important they are to me, how nervous or scared I feel around them, and most of all, that I have love or dislike for them.
My very good friend and her husband and I were talking about how if others expressed their feelings more perhaps they wouldn’t bottle their emotions up, bury them, and act as though they don’t exist. Then eventually, have violent outbursts, act passive aggressively, or other bad behaviors that lead to stuffing or reactionary problem solving-or possibly worse, no problem solving at all.
Looking around the crowded restaurant, how many people sitting with their loved ones were keeping true feelings and thoughts to themselves. How many were stuffing, playing nice, ignoring real problems, or self-medicating to get through the moment? There is zero judgement in this, however, there is a cautionary tale that can be learned.
Had I not shared my feelings with the person in the blog, I may have built up anger, resentment, and hostility towards the person (sound familiar to you yet?) I may have destroyed our friendship-by acting passively or passive aggressive towards them, which may have led to an unrepairable friendship, which, I have a limited number of, and I’m guessing they may be in the same boat.
Instead, talking about the feelings got everything on the table, and we can be supportive of one another through our continued life’s ups and downs and other than being more mindful of boundaries, nothing has changed in my role in our relationship. I know if I need something they’ll be there and vice versa.
Another bonus I got out of the process is learning that proximity and intense connections should not limit my openness for new or developing friendships. I discover new connections weekly and build stronger friendships with those who have been unwavering in support and encouragement. Some are just dicks that need to go away.
I spoke with a twenty-something last night and she completely agreed with the honest and open dialogue concept. She said she had a friend struggling with her mental health and along with chemical support, she would benefit from speaking to a professional. This is where society is with mental health needs. Everyone could benefit from having someone to listen to them and on a professionally trained level help guide the through their healing process.
However, talking to the person who you struggle with using emotional reasoning and intelligence and being brave enough to accept their feedback may build integrity and courage. I believe it also builds resilience in our ability to accept hard feedback or feelings of rejection. This is definitely something our society struggles with and would benefit from having as a skill.
The bottom line is-talk to one another. Tell your humans how you feel. However, do not think that just because you put yourself out there the consequences won’t be negative at times. Prepare yourself for rejection and should that happen, work through the feelings, not around them! Embrace change and growth through the experiences! ❤️
I was informed a sibling of mine dislikes this blog. I was happy they shared this with me, however, they know, because I told them, that I will continue to write, I will start a podcast, and I will always love them for being honest. ~WM~
Whiskey Momma 