social distancing – Whiskey Momma

As most are aware I have sold the house and I’m moving to the mountains. Before the next leg of my adventure I am crashing at my mum’s house for a brief couple of days. I decided to take the opportunity to spend quality time with her and spent the day with her. We drove to a few places and shopped some, ate some decent cajun food, and talked about the upcoming move.

Of course she’s very saddened by the grand littles not being close to her, which I completely understand. But it became very clear to me that the phrase, “life is too short” is not a viewpoint many consider or apply to their world. My mom can choose to be sad AND be excited for the opportunity for me to be with the love of my life (which I think she is, especially since she’s more aware of what type of human he is) and also be happy for the littles and their adventure.

Let’s break down why life is too short beyond my story though. Let’s look at the “life’s too short” examples that have recently plagued our world…

The pandemic. Limited travel, thousands of family vacations cancelled.
Deaths. Not just the five people I have lost JUST this past three months, but hundreds of thousands from the pandemic.
Not being able to see loved ones in hospitals, nursing homes, etc…
I’ve heard people say-“one day” and “when I retire” that never reach their goals.
Cancer.
Having babies.

I feel like I could keep the list going but I don’t want to make this a negative blog. I want it to be inspiring and create hopeful feelings. I want you to walk away and think, “do I waste my time with, “some day” thinking and then settle?” Do you????

I used to settle. All. The. Time. I still do for small things from time to time. But those big things…why did I settle? Because that abuse monster rears its ugly head and says “you’re not good enough, “you don’t deserve,” and “you’ll never do any better.” But then, I confronted myself and my settling choices over the past almost two years now and thankfully I reached a point where I’m not going to settle anymore.

I wrote about settling awhile back and I have not looked back since (except to compare situations to not repeat). I will not accept that “I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve, and I can’t do any better” bullshit anymore and I’m spreading the word! I’m yelling it from mountain tops, well only about 6,500-9,000 feet elevation depending on the moment and location.

I told my mum, “LIVE!” Do it now. Because tomorrow is not promised. As I depart my current geographical position I’m being lovingly bombarded with requests to see me before I “am gone for good.” Two things there…1-you should’ve made more effort when I was local, 2-I’m not “gone for good.”

“Gone for good” is a terrible mindset for people to be in when people they care about are relocating. Technology is amazing. I know this because I found my true love two months before the pandemic became public, so FaceTime had been a great tool to stay present in someone’s world. “But you can’t hug!” Really?? You know I don’t like touching and covid has made sure touching is a no go.

We have watched movies, had deep and meaningful conversations, had hard conversations, hysterical laughing, crying, and sometimes just “looking into the soul” stares using FaceTime. I’ll add that we’ve celebrated anniversaries drinking the same whiskeys, and even cooked many meals together. We’ve had ninety percent of our dinner meals together using FaceTime and it works!

BUT now, is my time to not settle and I’m going to live my adventure in person with my human. Nine months of flying and driving, and FaceTime has been totally worth it…but now it’s time to not settle for technology. I only live once (maybe) and life is too short to not be with the person that brings me peace, joy, and love.

I also have a wonderful and exciting job I’m looking forward to that I got using Zoom! I have met everyone virtually and because of limitations of Covid and distance we worked with what we had. It was a great experience and I’m looking forward to my new opportunity.

I’m gonna end this by saying, live your dreams and follow your own path as long as you “do no harm to others.” Yes, people are sad for their in person time shortened with my move, maybe even a little angry-AND maybe they’ll see the positive for me and my crew and then apply the motto or mantra to themselves.

Life is too short to be with mean, unyielding, and unloving…❤️

~WM~

The world changes everyday sun comes up, it either rains, is overcast, or it is sunny (sometimes all in one day). Nature changes seasons four times each year, it sheds each seasons’ skin looking anew and creates an inspiring and beautiful display that incites vacation dreams to see fall foliage or winter wonderlands. For the record, for those who live in the Midwest, there are times we can see seasons change like 10 times each week! How is it that most humans who have a reasonable amount of cognitive ability, can see the seasons change, but find it difficult to see how humans would also benefit from growing and changing? How is is that one can repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over again and actually believe it’s someone else’s fault??

It’s not as if they do not complain about their mistakes and at times, own their role in the problem. However, they are so determined to undermine their responsibility and instead make themselves the victim. For clarification purposes-when someone makes themselves the victim this is not inferring to victims of abuse or assault. This blog is referring to persons who are never wrong, who create problems then sit back and let the world crumble around them waiting for a rescue.

Male and female humans do this behavior. I believe I had a cat who did this from time to time, but she was cute and furry so I usually forgave her. Which enabled the repeated behavior pattern. Hmmm…see how easy it is to just let that pattern occur when something is cute or we get something out of it? My cat knew what he was doing! He is a cat! Clever as they come. He used his furry cuddles to manipulate me into accepting his bullshit behaviors (using floors for restrooms, getting high off catnip and making a mess of my house with food and his toys everywhere).

Hmmm…see how quickly that shit escalates if we don’t put it in check? What does check mean, you ask? How does one actually put that shit in check, you ask? Well, it’s not easy to do, for even the most seasoned “checkers.” But let’s try…here are a few scenarios I have encountered and what I have done to address the situations. Remember, I learned to apply the interventions by practicing and by telling myself, no matter what the outcome, I MUST NOT lose myself, my integrity, or my dignity in being humble.

I have a basic formula I use in the beginning, then if my basic formula doesn’t work I have to up the assertiveness skills. All will be noted below, but the basic formula in ascending levels is as follows (DO NOT BE RUDE, this makes them the victim and you the asshole): 1-don’t engage with the person (use limited eye contact), 2- keep all responses to a head nod or one word response, 3-assertively ask them if you can discuss this later, 4-let them know you care, AND you are really busy at the moment (avoid the BUT), 5-apologize for the exit then walk away.

“Feeling like I have to listen to someone talk when I don’t want to” What I Do: I tried the basic formula… However, they missed all the marks. Then they followed me out! Which pissed me off. So I sternly stated that I was really busy and couldn’t talk right then. I had process the incident for a day or so, and I came to the conclusion that I felt like the person was holding me hostage. Which can quickly become a comparison to my abuse emotions and be a trigger. I will follow up with these people and let them know how I was affected if this behavior occurs frequently, which has only been two people. Some people end up just being the fifth circle set of humans I engage with.
“the neighbor of complexity” this is related to working with or giving next to other humans who are not in sync with your moods, work this, or lifestyle… What I Do: The basic formula usually works in these scenarios, however, as an employee that’s worked in a cube farm and had an office where I couldn’t escape-this shit can escalate quickly. Both at work and at home, sensitivity is key. However, you can go into your home and there are basic laws that protect you from neighbors. At work…there are the criers who sit in the bosses office kissing ass, not doing their work, so they need to have work enemies to blame for their inadequacies. (ever notice these assholes pick the employees who work the hardest to target) Either was if conflict cannot be resolved because they are “victims who are just always in the right” AVOID these people. Be civilized and polite. DO NOT joke, DO NOT divulge secrets to, and DO NOT spend time with people they spend time with, and then repeat the DO NOT’s.
The “drama filled friend that is generous, kind, and has their own kind of hurt.” What I Do: This friend is the most important of them all. This friend has a heart of gold when they are within their baseline. I have to remember this when I am working through negative reactions to what is happening in a reaction to their behaviors. I have to tell myself not to allow the loss of who I am and who I want to be, AND I have to not make their shit my shit by setting my boundaries. I let them know I care about them and that I will be there for them, AND I need to make sure I take care of myself (mentally and physically) should I begin to be triggered by their behavior. Walking away in the moment is very hard to do with these friends, AND needs to be done. Of course walking back when the time is right, not when YOU want it to be right is also very important. If they are true friends, you’ll know when…
Finding yourself connected to another human and not wanting the bullshit… (this one became the easiest for me, however, it seems to be the hardest for some) What I Do: In early relationship interactions-I don’t use the formula with this one usually as it may come across as passive aggressive. I have been very upfront in my early conversations with others. I made sure they knew that I know what I have to offer the world, and although I am open for new and exciting, I will not lower my standards and measuring stick expectations for their bullshit. Sticking to my standards is key; I will not yield to asshattery behaviors.

Those are the basic and more overall steps I use to avoid problematic humans who are afraid of change and self-discovery. After I encounter these experiences I have to take time to process what happened. I have to give myself time to ask myself “is this my problem,” “what is my motivation,” “what is my role in the exchange,” “is this a repeated interaction and is it worth my mental well-being to remain engaged,”and similar other “what’s and why’s” to get to the reasons and best possible outcomes.

No matter what the antecedent is, I have learned that I have to “just let some shit go” to preserve my sanity (or what’s left of it). Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do. I get it. I feel this sense of righteousness and I grab hold and hang on like a five year old with a toy they don’t want to share. I want to feel vindicated, I want to feel and reinforce the sense of being just and right because it will feel good to know that what I think, believe, and feel is the truth…unfortunately-this is not what leads to facts or healthy conflict resolution. If I follow the formula I have designed over years of experience of getting wrong, I will grow and change-and maybe, just maybe I can benefit those people that I have close encounters with.

Socially Distancing Yours,