healthy – Whiskey Momma

The World is On Fire…

I started my morning with a kid awake too early and dogs that are too loud. I’ve fed and watered both and I’m currently sitting in my living room looking at my beautiful tree and drinking my Irish coffee perusing through the Facebook to read up on friends’ cruises, cancer journeys, work struggles, child behavior anecdotes, and of course the memories.

I think about my week and of course compare others posts to my own experiences (cause that’s the human brain) and I can’t stop the thought that’s been rolling around all week- the world is on fire! Seriously! I’ve had a very full work week, my practice is booked, and had at least seven friends/acquaintances reach out with their very important life situations.

My brain is exhausted! I have no more to offer but I keep doing it. I have crisis tomorrow, I’m meeting a dear friend today for a walk to let her puke out her life and create a game plan. We have friends out of town and we are watching animals. It’s finally happened…the chaos of the world is creeping into my sanctuary.

My humans feel it, my animals feel, and worst of all I feel it! This is the most human I’ve felt in a really long time and all I can do is say-enough! I am initiating significant self care strategies immediately. My answer will be no, my support will be tactical and at arms length, and I will slow down and get my inner peace back. Now. Starting today.

Telling myself this mantra isn’t enough so I’ve made a list of my strategies and what can be done with each of them…I’ll share some.

Calls for help
- Triage and set boundaries, if it’s not life or death encourage mindfulness and meditation. If it is life or death call your local crisis line
Requests beyond what I have to offer
- Determine if I have the time-will this make me cut family time or exercise time.
  - If it does- I’m happy to say “I wish I could but I can’t”
- Will this create a bigger mess for me later if I don’t resolve it now?
  - Yes-address
  - No-let it go

Guilt may occur for setting boundaries and that’s a part of life. Telling myself my family and my mental health is a priority is absolute key to a happy life. I will not devalue this and I will not allow the fire to seep in too much or we may not be able to fix it.

If your world is on fire I encourage you to stop, drop, and roll…

STOP what you are doing-freeze; take a step back from the situation; observe what you are feeling and thinking, and observe what others are doing around you; then once you are more aware of what is happening proceed mindfully with a plan.
Drop-drop whatever you are doing if possible and take a time out for yourself. It’s vital to lower our emotions to have a clear mind to not create more problems for ourselves.
Roll-if you’ve done any of the first two steps effectively you should be able to move forward and let things roll off your back like Teflon…

These are basic distress tolerance skills and they are the most effective skills one can use to chill out under heated and intense emotions. I use them everyday and train others to use them in nearly every session. Good luck my weary humans and as always, keep moving forward.

~WM~

It Would Be Nice…

As a follow up to the “NO” blog I am offering a “It Would Be Nice” lens and strategy to consider when facing today’s climate. There is an overwhelming black and white view of “what should and shouldn’t be” related to so many world topics. The biggest of all for me and many in my circle- “to vax or not to vax” that is the question. I am not going to quote research to support or not support either way. This blog is about how and what skills I use to look at how I talk about it with others.

I knew I was going to get vaccinated for many reasons…I never considered others reasons to “not get vaccinated” except super obvious ones until one of my closest friends said she wasn’t getting vaccinated. Initially, I was shocked! But after a second I considered who was telling me this and really put myself into her shoes taking her perspective. After this conversation it allowed me to be able to do the same for others, regardless of my “agreeing or disagreeing” with them.

So here are a few of my tricks I use to challenge and tamp down my urges to counter in conversations regardless of the topic. There may be some situations that warrant a more assertive approach, however, this approach is usually reserved when my littles are a part of the mix.

In my narrative I intently and purposefully AVOID telling myself OR using the phrases:
- You…”always,” “never,” “should,” “deserve,” and generally avoid the word “unfair.”
Instead try these as replacement options:
- Always: “It’s seems like this happens a lot”
- Never: “It seems like this hardly ever happens”
- Should: “It would be nice if…”
- Deserve: “I’ve worked really hard and it would be nice if…”
- Unfair: “There will always be moments in life when things feel unfair”

With the climate of “rights and choices” being somewhat interchangeable these days, using the formula above allows me the space to honor my fears and frustration with humanity and the facts I face with those I care about passing and other such issues I struggle with. I can be more indifferent when an argument is being sought and I can be supportive of those who have greater suffering in their lives.

Even as I write this I understand there’ll be people who disagree with this concept and that’s ok. They’ll even troll comments and look for typos-I’m guessing based on my extensive history, the grammar police has caught 20 issues already. Meh, it would be nice if they could read the blog and take whatever away and maybe challenge the considerations I posed in their life quietly and without creating a discord from being critical and bitchy, and if they have the skills to do so, that’s okay too…

~WM~