Tag: communication

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“How Do You Measure Up…”

How do you compare yourself to others and how does this affect your sense of self worth? In my late 20’s I measured my worth based on my job importance, such as “am I making a difference,” “do people respect me,” and (the big one) “am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?” In my late 30’s the measuring stick changed to “am I making a difference,” “am I happy/fulfilled,” and “do I respect myself?”

Now I focus on – “is what I’m doing still fulfilling,” “am I doing a good job parenting,” am I being authentic?” The latter of which is the most important to me. This is because I want to feel peace in all parts of my life. I want to have integrity for me, not for anyone else. Because I feel strong in my sense of self I’m able to model this for my children and the people I serve. I bring myself a profound sense of genuine peace being authentic.

When asking others how they measure their worth I’ve received an interesting and consistent response of “I don’t know.” Money, career, family, fame…the consistency of being told how “they’ve never really thought about that” tells me we are not teaching people how to love a fulfilling and meaningful life, yet we know that not living in this life leads to substantial risk for alcohol abuse, drug abuse, gambling addiction, pornography addiction, high risk relationships or sexual behaviors…the list goes on.

When I ask people about this I generally ask “what makes them unworthy” because this is the strongest feeling and thought about themselves they have. Then I ask them to identify the facts to support this belief. Shockingly (or not shockingly to some) they have very few facts to support this belief. An even greater discovery is that it has been external life events that they use to reinforce this belief!

The examples typically given are:

  • “My partner broke up with me” so this means I’m not good enough. It’s not because they’re incompatible or anything….
  • “My parents beat me,” so I must be bad. The abuse is about the abuser not the person abused.
  • I didn’t get the job I wanted…
  • I don’t have as many friends as…
  • I don’t make a lot of money…
  • I can’t get organized in my life…
  • People won’t help me anymore…

There’s a pattern here if you see it. I don’t get what I want so I must not be worthy (not a fact, but using thoughts and feelings). We are not owed anything and it’s our responsibility to challenge these distortions, and if we are miserable in life we have a responsibility to get help and not be a burden on the systems of others. Talk to someone who will help you identify these patterns and challenge them.

I really wanted a promotion one time. I was promised by one of my favorite people I was up for it. Not getting that promotion was a wonderful lesson for me. Although I told myself this was going to be a meaningful lesson at the time, I didn’t believe it. But I knew telling myself it would be helped me feel less like a piece of worthless human trash. I am very thankful now because I may still be at the job not feeling fulfilled, I wouldn’t have healthy kiddos, and I know I wouldn’t have the human who was molded just for me.

So ask yourself now…”how do I measure up?”

~WM~

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“What Are You Telling Yourself…”

Recently there has been a rash of common sense and logic shine through when I have asked my humans, “what did you hear me say” which will allow me to know if the message I am hoping I am giving is actually being received. Next I ask, “what are you telling yourself about what I said.” Asking this helps me understand what may lead to their “overthinking,” over reacting, feeling insecure and possibly leading to the blaming of others for their negative outcomes.

I ask questions that note if they are justifying, minimizing, blaming, or making themselves feel small? If so, I ask more questions! Then we discuss how this behavior can be sabotaging and can reinforce unhealthy thoughts and negative core beliefs about self, others, and the world. Thus, allowing one to not be responsible or accountable for the outcome or any behaviors that lead up to the outcome.

We have all done it. Period. For me, it was and still is about needing to have control of EVERYTHING to be safe and protect myself from others. HOWEVER, as it turns I only reinforced the lies “I have to be safe,” “I don’t have any control” etc… but once I had the mental flexibility to take a step back and ask myself what I was telling myself, I was able to be more aware of when I told myself the lies, and then ultimately challenging myself when I told myself the lies.

So how did I do this? Remember the “shoulds, never, always, and every time?” I had to focus on challenging this argument and decrease the shame and fear when I let others take the lead by calling bullshit on my internal dialogue…”I need to be right,” “I need to be liked,” “I need to know that no one is speaking badly about me,” “I need to be safe,” “my family’s wellbeing is dependent on this,” and again the list goes on and on…the worst lies kept me in the most unhealthy relationships. Which goes without saying that this put my love ones in unhealthy situations.

Back to the logic and exciting part…once people started doing this I have been able to witnesses those around me achieve a base operating system that gives them a stronger foundation in their hierarchy of needs. They admit to the themselves they have been leaning towards the negative outcomes, their automatic negative self talk, and a build up to their eventual demise. However, when they are willing to challenge the negative beliefs they are able to meet healthier “clock marks.”

I beg of you to ask yourself what you are telling yourself that feeds that negativity and start challenging that behavior with feeding the healthier wolf!

~WM~

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Don’t Open My Burger…

During cocktail hour last night, while we were enjoying 1792 Full proof and Knob Creek 120 proof we were discussing our relationship and how good it is and why it works so well. We laughed because it’s philosophy is based on him opening his own burger…

In 2020 my human and I were driving across the country and drove through a Wendy’s to grab a quick bite. We both ordered burgers (his a junior deluxe, mine was a junior bacon), there were no differences in the wrapping of the burgers and his burger seemed pretty easy to manage to drive if it was opened for him, which I was happy to help with. However, when I attempted to open it for him he said, “here let me get it, you don’t know how I like it.”

This was interesting as I have opened many sandwiches, candy, chips, etc. for people I co-piloted with and there were only minimal complaints. So I watched to learn and see what magical process he had to manage his burger while driving. Little did I know that the magic wasn’t in the unwrapping, the magic was in the concept that he could do it himself and could manage his business without being reliant on someone, which then could and usually does lead to expectations.

We have talked about this so many times and laughed about it as we both agree that there is a necessity for autonomy in relationships. Co-dependency is so easy to fall into and it is extremely unhealthy. Not being able to act as an independent agent is unhealthy and will always lead to relationship problems. Money, food, chores, jobs, children, church/faith, vacations, leisure, and so many other matters fall under this umbrella.

I love spending time with my person. So much. He is my best friend. I never wonder or worry about where I stand in any situation unless I create a narrative in my head through my trauma lens or a core belief. HOWEVER, and this is a big however as you tell by the all caps…we both are aware of the internal dialogue beast, and when this happen, which it has only happened twice for me, I don’t make my crap his crap. He is completely honest about when he is off and if we need to address something we have already addressed it way before he maybe “feeling off.”

When he is off, I give him space and go on about my business. He doesn’t need to be coddled or prodded to tell me what “I did” and I know not to make his moment about me and my insecurities. He unwraps his own burger. We do not have unknown expectations on each other. We have basic humans in relationships rules, like “don’t cheat.” Pretty basic, but given human history we both wanted to make sure this was definitely a no go behavior! Basically, DO NO HARM is the core of our relationship with one another and others.

If we follow that, our human tendencies to try to control, when we feel like we don’t have control, or to react when we should take a step back and respond when it’s better and more calm continue to work for us. We support and validate one another when it’s appropriate, and challenge one another when it’s appropriate. We do so with respect and awareness of our motives (the why).

I know from two dead marriages, I was a part of the math that lead to their death. I did not want to be a part of another relationship with someone that made being single more appealing. If couples can learn to keep their individuality in their relationships without all the insecurities (which would benefit from dealing with in therapy prior to entering into a relationship) you could have a lifetime of happiness.

I wish everyone the best in their relationships, and I want to encourage those struggling to get into therapy right away. Medications are there for helping, and life skills are always important to learn to help us solve our problems or to manage distress in the moment…

~WM~

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My Soap Box for the Month…

Why are some people uncomfortable talking, reading, or listening to someone about their mental health, abusive relationships, and life struggles? Why do so many people avoid facing the reality that life, for some people, seems so hard to manage for various reasons? This problem is so prevalent in our world right now and although you may not care, if we don’t try to be better now our future generations will continue to suffer.

Let’s take a step back to a time when you were a young kid to early teen and you had a problem and or you were suffering or perhaps uncomfortable in some way. Now stay in that moment and focus on how the moment was resolved. Did a parent or guardian comfort you and remove the problem causing the suffering? Did a parent or guardian guide you to figure it out? Did a parent or guardian ignore you and your problems? Did you have to resolve or reconcile the problem yourself?

The answer to these questions are the reasons why some people struggle with adversity and problem solving basic life problems to big life problems. The answer to the questions seem simple and straightforward but they aren’t. Unfortunately, when suffering is removed without learning skills to manage our feelings when we suffer, we grow up not knowing how to handle the hard times. It’s that Simple. Except, without learning those skills you become the world problem. You blame others for your burdens, and this of us that are fixers get dumped on. <insert cough> (Climate change, psychopaths that start wars, etc…)

I learned many things the hard way by choice. Some was not by choice and yet I still had to figure that shit out. I could have easily been a blamer and claimed hardships due to past trauma and such. However, I was fortunate to consider that avenue the path with the least integrity. I also did not resort to illegal means (minus underage drinking) to comfort myself during my trying times. I was also intelligent enough to watch how the generation before me solved their life problems and applied the strategies to my own situations. Because I knew what I wanted in life and I had to get after it myself. It wasn’t going to be handed to me.

However, there are so many that had adversity and suffering removed from their life by parents who suffered and didn’t want their offspring to suffer like they did. So a large group of humans are walking around not knowing how to manage their shit! Drugs and alcohol helped them escape and avoid the “in the moment” feelings but what happens when the drugs and alcohol wear off? Job loss, relationships are dissolved, children of divorce become lost property…etc.

Presently we have a generation of young people watching their poorly trained parents trying to manage their life behind bars, through drug courts, through DFS supervision or worse, the parent has passed leaving the young person to fend for themselves. Perpetuating the cycle of poor problem solving for generations to come.

I get that it may be easier to let others “fix” your problems and if that works and you aren’t creating more problems for the world, then great. Hopefully you’ll get professional help and apply the learned strategies. Life is hard. We will suffer everyday! You choose the easy way (not to cope or accept responsibility) or you can grow and learn. Your choice.

~WM~

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The World is On Fire…

I started my morning with a kid awake too early and dogs that are too loud. I’ve fed and watered both and I’m currently sitting in my living room looking at my beautiful tree and drinking my Irish coffee perusing through the Facebook to read up on friends’ cruises, cancer journeys, work struggles, child behavior anecdotes, and of course the memories.

I think about my week and of course compare others posts to my own experiences (cause that’s the human brain) and I can’t stop the thought that’s been rolling around all week- the world is on fire! Seriously! I’ve had a very full work week, my practice is booked, and had at least seven friends/acquaintances reach out with their very important life situations.

My brain is exhausted! I have no more to offer but I keep doing it. I have crisis tomorrow, I’m meeting a dear friend today for a walk to let her puke out her life and create a game plan. We have friends out of town and we are watching animals. It’s finally happened…the chaos of the world is creeping into my sanctuary.

My humans feel it, my animals feel, and worst of all I feel it! This is the most human I’ve felt in a really long time and all I can do is say-enough! I am initiating significant self care strategies immediately. My answer will be no, my support will be tactical and at arms length, and I will slow down and get my inner peace back. Now. Starting today.

Telling myself this mantra isn’t enough so I’ve made a list of my strategies and what can be done with each of them…I’ll share some.

  • Calls for help
    • Triage and set boundaries, if it’s not life or death encourage mindfulness and meditation. If it is life or death call your local crisis line
  • Requests beyond what I have to offer
    • Determine if I have the time-will this make me cut family time or exercise time.
      • If it does- I’m happy to say “I wish I could but I can’t”
    • Will this create a bigger mess for me later if I don’t resolve it now?
      • Yes-address
      • No-let it go

Guilt may occur for setting boundaries and that’s a part of life. Telling myself my family and my mental health is a priority is absolute key to a happy life. I will not devalue this and I will not allow the fire to seep in too much or we may not be able to fix it.

If your world is on fire I encourage you to stop, drop, and roll…

  • STOP what you are doing-freeze; take a step back from the situation; observe what you are feeling and thinking, and observe what others are doing around you; then once you are more aware of what is happening proceed mindfully with a plan.
  • Drop-drop whatever you are doing if possible and take a time out for yourself. It’s vital to lower our emotions to have a clear mind to not create more problems for ourselves.
  • Roll-if you’ve done any of the first two steps effectively you should be able to move forward and let things roll off your back like Teflon…

These are basic distress tolerance skills and they are the most effective skills one can use to chill out under heated and intense emotions. I use them everyday and train others to use them in nearly every session. Good luck my weary humans and as always, keep moving forward.

~WM~

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“Why” P2 Do We Change for Others…

How many times have we made adjustments in or likes/dislikes for another person? How many times have we adjusted our values or our life goals to settle for someone and then tell ourselves that we “want this” and it is “better than” what we had originally planned. I have done this for humans, jobs, and other life situations to accommodate whatever shit show was happening and to keep a peace “for myself” really others because I didn’t want an argument.

But where do we draw the line? We tell ourselves we are yielding for peace or love-or whatever other bullshit justifications we use. I look at my friends and watch them behave in ways and walk down paths I have already treaded and I feel helpless. I see those that I serve doing some of the same behaviors and think to myself-“wow, I did this and if I can overcome this, so can they.”

But the first step is “recognizing” what is happening. Being aware of what we are doing is key…Of course if I had asked myself the “why” I would have seen it and paid more attention. However, I didn’t and I became who I am, and I am okay with it because I am “finally me!” (Well the current version)

So, the “why” again…here are some “why’s” to ask for when we accommodate…p.s. there are bonus questions.

  • Why am I changing my goal?
  • Why/How is this important to me and my future?
  • Why is this person/place/thing worth changing my goals?
    • BONUS questions:
      • How will this serve my integrity?
      • How will this help serve my mission?
      • Is it worth the cost of my healthy self?
  • Why am I changing who I am/want to be?

When I stopped changing myself for others I found a freedom like I have never known. The freedom to sit and be still with my own skin. The ability to take a step back and allow others to behave and have needs that I cannot control (nor would I want to anymore). To accept that I don’t need someone to watch me or engage with me to validate my existence.

For those that struggle with being alone and making their own way… it seems those folks need a witness to their living. They need someone to see what they are doing and validate their existence. Like gym buddies, social media (yeah the irony is not lost on me), etc…this isn’t all unhealthy. However, if one can be independent and live alone and not feel lonely, this could lead to a healthy relationship.

Frankly, I bended and broke so much before I seen it each and every time. The only way up for me was to go it alone…I totally White-snaked it. I had humans to spend time with when I wanted to, I had my family-but kept at a distance at times to gather and regroup independently, and I had my littles. So ultimately, I was very comfortable with being alone and enjoying the journey of getting to know myself.

Going down my path lead me to my human. I do not bend. I do not yield. The fact is, I haven’t felt like I had to change anything except my location. (But that was a no brainer.) I do what I need to and what to, he gets the same respect, and we have the loveliest journeys together. We have different perspectives and opinions, but we never fight because it’s okay to have different thoughts and ideas.

We have life struggles like everyone else-family loss, routine shifts, work needs/stressors, cleaning, laundry, meals, vacations, etc…but we do it as a team. Because we knew our “why” we don’t usually have to ask the big “whys” to get the daily life covered.

Figure out who YOU are before you figure out anyone else for YOU. Use the “whys” and if you have to use very many whys about changing yourself you may be in a toxic environment. There could also be life events that can change a person such as injuries(TBI’s) or catastrophic life experiences. However, with medical and psychological assistance you’ll be able to iron the details out for an outcome.

But for most of us just looking to not feel alone, that change ourselves for the “way we think it’s supposed to be” I implore you to challenge that behavior. Ask yourself “why am I doing this?”

~WM~

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When It’s Never Enough, It’s Your Fault

What happens when you keep following the same patterns over and over to fill the voids in your life? What happens when your coping and defense mechanisms no longer tie you over until the next time? What happens when you wake up one day and realize you are surrounded by people in the same boat as you, both in physical and virtual presence?

Most people practice this pattern their entire lives. Some even after years of therapeutic interventions are offered and discussed. Why? Why does one simply just ignore lessons they’re going through and learn more than just to simply say, “yeah, that was kinda sucky, but it’s not as bad as…” then repeat the behavior?

We ALL know people who exist this way. Everyone knows someone who exhibits this toxic pattern. Maybe we know one or two, there are some that know more than a handful (me) and it’s exhausting. Which in itself could essentially be a pattern that could trap me or anyone in a rabbit hole. Luckily, I’m smart enough to set boundaries and keep them fast and hard enough (at least in the past year) to just let that person slip into whatever pattern they choose or feel, they can’t break away from, them walk away with an explosion in my backdrop.

It’s doesn’t mean I’ve given up on them; this is never really an option if you care about them. It’s just a way to maintain ones sanity and mental health and to live a healthy and balanced life. Here’s to self-care!

So what happens to our friends with patterns? Obviously, the best case scenario would be that they learn from their mistakes and grow and make changes in their lives and relationships that are geared towards being more healthy. However, they generally tend give up (cause shit gets real and it’s uncomfortable) and eventually become a victim of their own circumstance, then they cope “the way they always have.” In some cases they have made a pattern of justifying that others are at fault for their situations.

This justifying and rationalization eventually becomes “their pattern.” It’s a no win situation and it’s damaging to all their relationships. Worse yet, their children will see this behavior and learn it works to remove their responsibility for their circumstances. As a result we have an entire generation of “it’s not my fault, I wasn’t loved enough the right way” running around.

This has devastated marriage and relationship statistics, as well as an increase in incarceration and juvenile intervention rates. If no one is responsible for their actions it results in a complete break down of functioning relationships and we have a crisis of blaming others on a global level. Hmmm…sound familiar????

My challenge to you- ask yourself and others if you keep going in circles with your life? Are you having the same unhealthy relationships over and over?? Is that what you want to do with your life? To be miserable, tired, alone (don’t fool yourself just because you are surrounded by the same type of people, you feel alone) and faking your “life”?

Just do something different. It takes one leap and then keep doing something different to make those changes. Don’t stop doing something different until you can walk through your life without blaming others, life (even though this may be the case), or anything else for “why” you are miserable, making bad choices, not stopping the behavior patterns.

~WM~

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We Give and We Give and We Give…

How much is too much to give of yourself? How many times have you asked yourself, “What is wrong with me, why am I not good enough?” I admit to doing this in the past, and sometimes it’ll rear its ugly head in ways related to the distancing and independence my little people try to exhibit (which is a great thing), but more so when I was being treated like shit by those one people.

I’ve been rolling the “I’m not good enough” (which is what makes us a victim) and the “why am I not good enough” around in my mind lately as many of my circle are feeling this burden. Even the ones that are keeping this pain in their lives. The rolling is persistent and it’s driving me crazy.

So here are my two cents…

“What is wrong with me” is a response to being rejected, and no one likes to be rejected, feel rejected, or even feel like they are not being placed first in the other person’s list of priorities. Which honestly, being the first priority in someone else’s life is not healthy…just as you should not have anyone else as a first priority in your life (we will get to that).

“Why am I not good enough” is a self defeating thought that we ask ourselves which reinforces the belief that someone else has the power to determine our worth. Ugh. We have literally given our self worth to someone else to tell us if we are good enough-IF they choose us then we are good enough, if they don’t, there is something wrong with us.

Both have implications of not having a sense of “Locus of Control” -Locus of control “is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over the outcome of events in their lives.” BUT-we actually do have the ability to control if and when we give our control and power to others. AGAIN-WE HAVE THE POWER.

We tell ourselves it’s us that is the problem and that we aren’t good enough and then we finally get past that relationship and right on to the next one JUST LIKE IT!! We need to break the pattern. It’s not easy, but the practice can be as simple as this-telling yourself:

  1. I have value… make a list of what you believe your value is-think, what do I bring to the table…I help people.
  2. I have worth…which is different from value. I have integrity and I believe I can achieve my goals if I work hard enough!
  3. No one has the power to determine if I am good enough unless I give it to them. I’ve recently begun to allow myself to explore and process how the insight and observations pointed out by the man I love change me internally and thus leading to positive outward changes.

Being able to do this has been a long and arduous journey- and I’m no where close to being done. This path is hard and uncomfortable. We often choose comfortable over uncomfortable but for your own sake- choose being uncomfortable.

Even though it’s hard to have the conversations with those we are either required to engage with, or those we want to interact with to move forward in our relationships the payoff is worth it. For the ones we are required to engage with, it will help keep good boundaries and clarity with facts.

For the relationship journey I’ll use my own experience. It’s often very exciting and I catch myself eager to learn new ways to get out of my shell and forgive myself for the lock and key I’ve used to protect my mind and heart. Sometimes I can feel very overwhelmed and I have to talk about it with my guy which again, this helps reinforce my self worth and sense of control over my life. Also whiskey. Whiskey helps.

I know it seems like it’s easy for me to point this shit out and walk away. But know, I’m not walking away. I’m repeating this everyday to whoever needs to hear it and I am in constant check of myself. Luckily, I have found my soulmate to help keep this process growing. As noted above-I do not put him as my first priority. I don’t put my littles as my first priority (their safety, yes)-I have to make myself a priority for my mental well beings sake.

No one can be in any healthy interpersonal relationship unless they are mentally healthy. One has to be able to love theirselves and take care of their mental health to truly work able to help others to grow in a meaningful way. Sure you can fake it for a bit-years even. But by then the damage is done. Years of work to undo that damage will be required. Thankfully, I am practicing this now. hopefully, always since I’m with my human.

This amazing man I love laughs sometimes because it’s hard for him to believe someone really wants the truth and to be challenged (spaced out over time of course too much and I’ll explode) especially when what needs to be said doesn’t feel good to hear. But finally, I’ve reached the point and met my human and I can always count on his honesty, loyalty, and support to grow as a human. For that, I’m grateful and fortified everyday.

Handsome D-thank you for being my binary… ~WM~

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Divorce Communication 101…

NO ONE wants to look at their soon to be ex (unless the parasite is thinking they can manipulate the host into thinking they are still worth it) let alone have to communicate or be forced to have a conversation beyond basic interactions. Seriously. Sign the papers and leave me alone. BUT. WAIT.

There is a vital need to keep dialogue open during the separation process, especially when parenting plans and schedules are a required agenda item to discuss. IF all goes smoothly, then everyone can focus on healing and moving forward.

But what happens when the soon to be ex has a personality problem that magically seems to have appeared at the start of the divorce? Well, sorry folks. That personality problem has been there for a really long time and you’ve allowed for their behavior to exist and thrive without addressing it, and the time has come to pay the piper.

Unfortunately, the piper comes the same time you’re trying to heal, figure out meaning in your life, and if kids are a part of the mess, protect them from further damage and provide an imaginary normalcy that leads to a new normal.

Here are some helpful, and proven to be successful tips when dealing with a difficult ex… Just remember buttons will attempt to be pushed so be ready to repeat some of the steps noted below.

  • If they start making personal statements of any kind towards you by ways of being demeaning/attacking you, talking about your personal life, your parenting skills (other than positive) set boundaries by stating that you do not wish to engage in further conversations if you cannot stay on topic. Then STICK to the statement. Do NOT be wishy-washy.
  • Let the ex know clearly, that all matters related to the separation of stuff and the divorce will be handled in court by your attorney. Again-do not be drawn into a text or verbal conversation with this person. They know you, they know how to engage you and keep you engaged.
  • As for the kids-same thing. Stick to scheduling topics and only use facts. Do not tell the ex what the kids tell you unless there is a report of illegal activities or you can clearly identify a decline or deterioration of the child’s well being. TALK to your attorney. Get the child counseling. DO not make up any abuse or alleged illegal behaviors to suit your cause. This will cause irreparable harm to all involved.
  • DO NOT make your agenda about causing your ex mental anguish, harm, or punishment. Although most may deny this, the separation and pending divorce is hurting them. DO NOT show outward happiness that they are suffering.
  • If all else fails in any of the small steps noted above, or if you begin to feel a rise in emotions and the urge to argue-disengage. Find a viable reason to walk away to give yourself a timeout.

There are lots of separated pairs that seek retribution for the perceived wrongs that have been committed upon them. Maybe this is owed to you, maybe not. If you are in a situation in which you claim to be completely surprised by a separation or divorce your circumstances are usually very rare if there were not clear signs that your relationship had problems.

Whatever your situation personality disorders are sometimes cleverly packaged into the “they’ll make the perfect spouse” option because you made them fit into it. We seen the signs however, we justified ignoring them. That is our fault. But now we must move forward no matter how they try to blame us or make the situation worse by attacking mental health, how one may use recreational/social time, or any other part of your life that doesn’t not pertain to them.

To be able to move forward you just use the boundaries noted above. Social media and other social attacks are not healthy for littles involved, and although you may believe you are justified in doing this, you are NOT. I have worked with many families through attorneys and the courts to address the break down of relationships with noncustodial parents and their offspring, only to learn that the custodial parent (often times the step parents too) have belittled, name called, and knowingly destroyed or damaged their child’s positive beliefs of the noncustodial parent.

I will call this out every time. The only time I will support educating a child of their noncustodial parent’s behavior is related to abuse or neglect. Parents should never use their children as leverage or as a tool to create or inflict psychological damage. This hurts EVERYONE.

Communication is the number one problem in our world. Everyone wants to talk, very few want to listen. Everyone has the right answers, very few can take perspective. “I FEEL” does not equate to “FACTS.” No matter how strong your feelings are, it does not mean it’s true.

As always, take care of your mental health…seek help if you have trouble managing this journey.

~WM~