As a follow up to the “NO” blog I am offering a “It Would Be Nice” lens and strategy to consider when facing today’s climate. There is an overwhelming black and white view of “what should and shouldn’t be” related to so many world topics. The biggest of all for me and many in my circle- “to vax or not to vax” that is the question. I am not going to quote research to support or not support either way. This blog is about how and what skills I use to look at how I talk about it with others.
I knew I was going to get vaccinated for many reasons…I never considered others reasons to “not get vaccinated” except super obvious ones until one of my closest friends said she wasn’t getting vaccinated. Initially, I was shocked! But after a second I considered who was telling me this and really put myself into her shoes taking her perspective. After this conversation it allowed me to be able to do the same for others, regardless of my “agreeing or disagreeing” with them.
So here are a few of my tricks I use to challenge and tamp down my urges to counter in conversations regardless of the topic. There may be some situations that warrant a more assertive approach, however, this approach is usually reserved when my littles are a part of the mix.
- In my narrative I intently and purposefully AVOID telling myself OR using the phrases:
- You…”always,” “never,” “should,” “deserve,” and generally avoid the word “unfair.”
- Instead try these as replacement options:
- Always: “It’s seems like this happens a lot”
- Never: “It seems like this hardly ever happens”
- Should: “It would be nice if…”
- Deserve: “I’ve worked really hard and it would be nice if…”
- Unfair: “There will always be moments in life when things feel unfair”
With the climate of “rights and choices” being somewhat interchangeable these days, using the formula above allows me the space to honor my fears and frustration with humanity and the facts I face with those I care about passing and other such issues I struggle with. I can be more indifferent when an argument is being sought and I can be supportive of those who have greater suffering in their lives.
Even as I write this I understand there’ll be people who disagree with this concept and that’s ok. They’ll even troll comments and look for typos-I’m guessing based on my extensive history, the grammar police has caught 20 issues already. Meh, it would be nice if they could read the blog and take whatever away and maybe challenge the considerations I posed in their life quietly and without creating a discord from being critical and bitchy, and if they have the skills to do so, that’s okay too…
~WM~
Whiskey Momma 