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It’s Not Meant to Be Intimidation…It’s Me.

Damn. I was told by a really good friend that I “can be sexually intimidating.” I talked to my consultants (female warriors) and asked them what hearing that would mean to them. They said they believed it meant that the person saying it “couldn’t handle me,” “I was too adventurous,” or “there was something insecure in that guy.” When I took said research back to the male friend, he explained that he “is not intimidated” but others with less knowledge about themselves in that intimate way could feel insecure or afraid of someone who has so much knowledge about sexual behaviors.

Okay. I’ll bite. Further conversation with this handsome “Friar Tuck” actually turned out to be enlightening and an insightful discovery about my personality and how others who have strong weaknesses react to me. Not weakness as in the condition that they are human. But the weaknesses of wallowing in their traumatic life events, their poor choices (self inflicted drama), and the fact that they are choosing to remain in their toxic lifestyle holds them back from healing from their journey.

So, one could say they may see a woman who is confident and assertive, which they may find attractive others may see a woman in this capacity as sexually intimidating. Who doesn’t like a person who knows their shit (admits when they don’t) and exudes self-confidence? Not in an arrogant and cocky way. Rather, an “I know what I like and I’m going to get it” kind of way. FYI-most lean towards arrogant and cocky.

But I’m not immune from seeing I have my own blind spots. I wallow. I make mistakes of grand proportions. I have tons of people who could attest to this. When I speak about the weaknesses I’m well versed in them. But I have zero regrets. Well, maybe one or two idiots. I’ve learned from the mistakes I made and got better at the types of mistakes I make and better about not making the same ones more than a dozen times or so…jk

But lately, I’ve been watching and listening to the universe and the people the universe is bringing to me with messages that I have previously refused to listen to or wasn’t ready to hear. But I’m listening now. I’m listening hard. The question is, will I do anything about them? I choose doing. By way of helping others, by reaching out when people are in need. By listening.

One lesson I learned from my healing journey is I realized I spent a lot of time trying to feel good but not dealing with what made me feel bad and I spent too much time pursuing happiness that I missed the joy of the present. Childhood trauma, cancer, suicides, overdoses, and the list goes on for why I chased my tail and refused to see my pattern of reinforcing said pattern over and over.

So when I stepped back yesterday and looked at a recent pattern…I had to question all the shit I tell myself and what I’m doing to reinforce it. What can I do to change it? I can listen to the universe. I can listen to “Harry Potter” who has made me laugh and think for hours, all while making me tear up from feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. I can listen to the universe tell me that I don’t have to fight so hard and that anyone who gets pleasure from creating chaos needs to deal with their shit.

I listened and it felt good. I stayed present and I felt joy. No matter if it’s the last time with “Harry” or the first of many more in the future, I will carry the experience in my heart and mind as a way to reinforce a healthier pattern of reinforcing happiness. I’ll carry gratitude in my pocket and use it when I’m “intimidating” others so I won’t blame myself for their insecurities.

This blog is a little different than the most recent blogs, but I have had some pretty insightful experiences recently and will be sharing and building on this blog. I hope you get something from them…I have. 🥃~WM~

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The Art of the Chase…and the Let Down From the Catch

During a recent conversation with Hook, we questioned the “maybe we want what we can’t have” concept. When the question was asked, it was actually posed as “maybe I’m attracted to what I can’t have.” Which, I agreed with, noting that “a challenge is always more fun for me too…wanting what we don’t think we can have is sexy.” Sic

Then that question fell to the wayside as our sarcastic and drunken banter ensued onto more important things like how “I am a superhero” and how he is a sidekick (jk). Our conversations are always deep and explorative (again jk). In reality, as our conversation did swerve to less profound insights, my subconscious was working on overdrive. This concept was slowly formulating a plot to wake me at 2am and yell SURPRISE bitch, it’s time to develop insight.

So at 2am, I plotted back and began to write about the gibberish that was floating around in my brain and recalled an article I had read about the brains thrill switch and how it can be related to the ego, low self-esteem, and needing validation. I have worked with lots of people who suffer from this affliction. I personally have a two offer rule. More on that later…

Let’s look at how the thrill of the chase is a driving force behind catching the “prey.” Think like a hunter for a second or two…you are at the top of the food chain, you have the gun powder and lead, YOU are the most powerful predator in the woods. (Except bears, bears beat you sometimes) You have a strategy, you have the gear to camouflage, and you have instinct that has been running through your veins for years of evolution. You know what you want, you have the tag, and you are in the locale to “catch your prey.”

Then you see tracks and signs of the prey you seek, your adrenaline is slowly spiking up until that point, however, when you see signs of recent presence of the prey, your adrenaline spikes, shooting of chemicals in your brain that is giving you the mental veracity to push forward and achieve success. Then, out of the corner of your eye you see your prey. Maybe it has points, maybe it isn’t exactly what you were expecting, but it’s your prey nonetheless.

You know what to do now. You slowly and quietly raise your rifle to your shoulder. Careful not to scare the prey, as it could easily run off and that is not conducive to your goal. You eye your prey, carefully calculating when you are going to make your move. All the while you are telling yourself that you got them, they have no where to run, it’s beautiful and the meat will taste so good, thus your confidence is exploding. Then perhaps a thought creeps in about possibly missing…ugh. Doubt, fear, insecurities, and a sense of failure kicks in-what do you do now???

At that moment, you can choose to chase the thoughts away and aim and shoot and bag the prey, which usually results in a positive reinforcement of the hunt. Which then reinforces a healthy ego, sense of self-worth, confidence, and so on…

However, the alternative goes more like this… you can continue to have the doubts and fear, take aim, bag the prey and reinforce negative thoughts about your abilities, and your self-worth thus lowering your ability to regulate your egos need for validation, and telling yourself you just got lucky, which in turn leads to recreating the same bullshit scenario over and over, without changing the thoughts that tell yourself…you can do it.

Is it me, or did that description sound like an evening out??? Now, what can we do to change that scenario? Ask ourselves the “why.” Why are we chasing? What is our why??? Here is my “why” I don’t chase. I have a two ask rule, then I am done. Here it is in a nutshell.

If I am interested in you, I will ask one time to do an activity or get together. If there isn’t a possibility due to real reasons, that’s cool. I will evaluate for a next time. Should this not come to fruition, then I will not ask again. The person has made it clear that their life isn’t ready for my presence (which I totally get) and there is no need to waste my time or my feelings on this person. I still care about them as a human, and should timing be different later down the road…whatever. No hard feelings, no kick to my ego, no tears.

This has been a positive action in my life, that has lead to being more at peace with being selective and alone. To be clear, I am not just talking about the opposite sex, I am speaking of any of my interpersonal interactions. I can easily avoid toxic people based on my two ask rule. It is a beautiful and healthy way to delineate from the drama that I HATE.

To summarize this a little bit more…there are several reasons why people may chase or are attracted to “what they can’t have.” A few may be- excitement of the thrill of the chase, you think you’ll be accepted by the person and validate our need to be wanted, ego satisfaction, low self-esteem, fantasy, and possibly to prove that we deserve such a person. However, do you want to be with someone out of your fear of inadequacy, need for validation, or building your self-esteem?

The only way to change these areas are to set and follow limits that lead to a healthy view of your value. (Two ask Rule is a great start) Talk to friends about what they value about your relationship. (This is a great start too) Explore what it is about you that you value…this is hard. Most humans I ask this question to are incapable of identifying one thing about themselves that they value with the exception of “being a good spouse or parent.” Above all else, ask yourself “what your why is.” ~WM~

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Toxic Takers…(Trademark Pending)

So this is a pretty negative title but most of my blog titles have some form of sarcasm and may feel pointedly directed. Especially, if you can relate to or exhibit said behavior(s) which are being written (pointed out) about. So I will start by admitting that at times, I can be a Toxic Taker too. WHAT? But I give so much of myself, right? Hold on tight, cause shit is about to get real.

First, let’s define what a toxic taker (my definition, this is not in a “dicktionary” anywhere) is a human who, takes and takes from persons, places, and things, beyond the societal norm and/or expectations. Generic examples of having an interpersonal relationship with a toxic taker is, during conversations with a “friend” the taker will, instead of listening to what the other person is saying about their life, interjects and interrupts to discuss their own shit(either intentionally or unintentionally) not giving two shits about how this may affect the other person.

Another example of the toxic taker is a person who routinely plays a victim in order to gain sympathy, in an effort to gain something from the other person. We all know these people. (Think of ex boyfriends or Bundy) This persons behavior is reinforced by good and vulnerable people everywhere. They achieve financial gain, notoriety, and most of the time this person is able to achieve sex and power from their targets.

When do I do this? Which by the way is mostly unintentional. The times when I do this consciously is when I am deliberately using sarcasm/humor to distract, when I’m deliberately being a bitch, or when I have hit my fill of dumb ass. I try not to have to use the latter two, but it happens because sometimes “being a bitch is all a woman has,” and because I am so pissed, and I AM DONE. (If I were you, I would avoid the last one, it is most unpleasant)

Now for when it has been done to me…how about when I have given and given and then it’s never enough? Examples? Forgiveness of infidelities and lies, allowing (but not realizing until it’s too late and being done) people to walk over me in hopes of promises made or alluded to that they never intended to keep. The narcissistic personalities I find myself drawn towards in the past need to stay well enough in the past.

This is one of those times I’m not trying to be a bitch and again, if you are reading this, it is only meant to evoke consideration and invoke thought. Perhaps “change thinking” but my guess is though, you are getting flushed and pissed. I don’t care. I want you to feel your shit. I want you to feel your shit real bad. So bad you may not speak to me for days because you are feeling the conviction the blog is meant to trigger.

If that’s the case, are you a three legged toxic taker? If so, no need to reach out again. I was fine without you once and I’ll be ok without you when you’re gone.

This blog has been days in the making and I struggled through to this point. I have a wonderful friendship with someone who once lived here and now lives where I want to live. Through our conversations and our statements of “I wish you lived closer” or “I wish we would have spent more time with you when I lived closer.”

But the truth is, we spent so much time, and still do, with toxic takers. We dedicate our time to people who are in need due to their life circumstances (choices) and don’t spend time with those that build us up and refill our tall double whiskey glasses. That needs to change. We need to empower our relationships with those givers. We need to give back to the givers. Not the damn takers.

I’m going to end this with a sweet note from my sweet friend who I miss dearly.

“Krissy, i don’t know if you realize this or not, but no matter what happens to you or around you, you are incapable of NOT being a loving human. If more people could be like you, and feel things the way you do, the world would know nothing but peace and love!”(sic)

My eulogy.

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Whiskey Under the Bridge

When is it time to let shit go and let the real and proverbial whiskey flow? It is almost impossible to gauge when the feelings will subside enough to allow a crack to open the door for the opportunity to let a gentle amount of peace slide in to our hearts for even a moment to let us move forward from the rage and anger.

I think it may be important to explore what rage and anger may look like related to being hurt or the mansplaining version of the feeling is as a “woman scorned.” My theory is as follows. The woman scorned is actually the woman who is so fucking fed up with dealing with assholes and their asshole behaviors that she loses her shit every once in awhile to remind herself that she will not be controlled by others…unless its fucking Christian Grey day. Then and only then is she willing to go along with being a submissive.

The pent up hostility of not being included because we don’t have a penis (I know, I’m tired of this argument too) or when we have to play nice so the opposite sex doesn’t lose their shit and fly off the deepest cliff over a change in schedule, or when they may not be getting enough attention, not getting enough sex, they want a different girl, or not having enough money. GOD forbid a kid is involved. For the sake of protecting every innocent child I’ll leave this argument out of the blog…one day though.

Luckily, there are enough other behaviors that need to be lessened in value (the emotion or effort i give it) and we will address them now. Okay…now how I deal with them, or sometimes not deal with them. I ignore any behavior that is reinforced with giving it attention. I check my motivation for why I would even want to broach their behavior. So my why has everything to do with getting the behaviors to stop. I hate stupidity and although I see something as stupid, they may feel it’s really important and I need to accept that I cannot control this.

When they don’t extend the same courtesy to me, I have to accept this and although I may not be okay with it I know I will be okay…with that being said, I DO NOT have to condone any of their behaviors as this could be reinforcing of the belief they can behave this way towards me. READ THIS AGAIN!!! I DO NOT CONDONE BEHAVIORS. If you are a hoe, I don’t need your shit. If you use people, I don’t need your shit. If you are a liar and feel the world owes you something because you’re a victim, keep fucking walking.

If you are a human who is broken as fuck and you learn from your mistakes without manipulating others, and use your powers for good instead of evil. I’m drinking with you, hell, I’ll buy the first round. the whiskey will flow freely with you. If you aren’t this person, I don’t need you. I don’t want you, and if you are a person that I absolutely have to have in my life, I will only tolerate you, then accept that this is who you are and probably who will always be, and I’ll just drink whiskey without you.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the best advice I can give you to move forward and have Whiskey Under the Bridge. Focus on the positive outcomes you are working towards and don’t let others slow you down with their shit. Grow from your past relationships and stop repeating the past. If this is an issue for you, like it has been for me, talk to someone. Find your Hook try not to build the walls and allow yourself to feel vulnerable to explore why you continue the pattern. Challenge the pattern and break it, shatter the fuck out of it and do better.

It is hard…I know this. Hit me up, I will help. Until then, drink the whiskey under the bridge…

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It’s Coming I Swear!!

I know it’s been a minute. Lots going on. I have started like three topics and picking one to commit to is fucking hard!! Listening to jazz this morning to cleanse the mind and I’ll be writing at the Tap House tonight to finish and upload….sometimes I just need to find that extra motivation.

Until tonight…🥃❤️😎

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The Obvious (or for me the Oblivious) Art of Flirting…

Oh man. I have recently been researching the art of flirting and I’m learning to be able to recognize tells of human behavior. I’ve been doing this for a few reasons, but the biggest one is the fact that I MISS the fucking boat when subtle flirting is present. I can recognize the obvious flirtation or overt sexual requests.

An example of the overt flirt, one time when I was working the state fair of Texas one of the guys running a ride actually said, “you know you wanna fuck me” thinking this would possibly work! He was funny, but that line was not. In fact, I remember asking the best friend if I “could have fun with him.” Which mostly consisted of me ignoring him and sending trashy women his way. All while making sure he knew he had no chance with me. I know it’s bitchy, but this guy is a predator.

But the subtle flirting style has never been on my radar. EVER. A smile is easy to see, but I missed the intentions behind the smile. I’d say that started a long time ago when that first guy played “Love of a Lifetime” especially for me and I was like “whatever.” I didn’t get it! Looking back I wonder if I wanted to. He always did subtle gestures like that. I didn’t recognize or appreciate these gestures.

There are three types of non verbal flirts. They are “lookers, listeners, and feelers (the less creepy word for touchers). The looker- makes eye contact that is directed only for the intended target. It’s subtle at first then the “look” lingers. Letting the person know they are interested.

Next we have the “listeners.” They are making connected eye contact and letting their target know they are interested and that they are interesting. This may escalate to personal stories being shared, intended to appear emotionally vulnerable. Most guys do not allow more than a superficial vulnerability to be seen, however the woman is willing to share to make themselves appear they need to be cared for-which for some men, they need to feel needed and some men have a hero complex that motivates them to act instinctually to rescue a damsel in distress. (But let’s be honest, most are Shrek in rusty armor)

The last non-verbal communication that can be used, which is often the final act in the escalation of flirting is “TOUCH”…the subtle (should be kept subtle) gesture depends on the content of the conversation and if the other person is interested. There are times when a touch of the arm, or graze or lingering of hand/fingers on the shoulder or forearm may indicate attraction or intent for more interaction (maybe of the sexual kind). 😎

Here are a few catches to the art of flirting I’ve noticed. Some folks get skittish when you catch on to the flirting and begin to reciprocate. Maybe their motives behind the “flirt” are not to flirt with you, it may be their personality or the job they do i.e. Jake my sweet bar manager flirts because that’s the job (however this does not include me, he said so). Additionally, I know a guy that likes to flirt until I push back and right up to the brink of being on the same level as him and it freaks him out. Right, Hook?

The moral of the story…be careful who, where, and when you flirt. Make sure you are sure about the cues you are “seeing” and “using” to flirt or if you’re intentions are not to flirt-DON’T. If you think someone is flirting but not sure, ask. If you aren’t careful, you may be flirting with disaster.

Big thanks to 102 Tap House and Jake. I love sippin and writing while readers allow me to ask their perspectives on subject matter.

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How Many Guys Use Three Legs to Walk With?

Better yet, if you understand the question and are a male, you most likely are that guy. Next question, why do you need to walk with three legs? Stuck on the metaphor? It means that they/you use their penis almost as much as their legs to compensate…for fill in the ________.

I was asked if this was going to be in a blog…here ya go. No names though. You know what I’m going to say to you, but unfortunately, you’re not the only “three legged” man out there so you can still listen up!

Reasons to use the third leg as naturally as the first two legs…let’s break this down gently. It feels good, you’re compensating for something, you’re avoiding something, you are afraid of something. Hmmm lots of somethings.

In reality it doesn’t matter. You’re going to do it until you are done running, avoiding, compensating, or lying to yourself. I want to focus on the latter behavior. We all run from, avoid, and over compensate at times, which can be somewhat of a protective behavior. However, denial or lying to ourselves creates an alternate reality that people use the first three behaviors to make true.

Example-when you tell a lie, you have to tell other lies to cover up the first lie. When you are trying to hide from the lies you tell, you avoid accountability, you over compensate to distract from what’s really going on, in order to evade further suspicions you run away from the situations.

Is this the life you want to live? Is this your legacy, what you want your responsibilities to view you as or how to cope? Is this working for you? I’ve lived this life. Maybe not with an extra leg, but boy did I hide, run, avoid using sex to accomplish every one of these defense tactics. It was fun for like a minute. But bits of my soul were slowly chipped away.

Now I have the maturity and life experience to know what is really important and what really validates my worth. My little responsibilities-with every struggle they have and I can’t fix, but help them learn to work through it, not around it or to avoid it-they tell me it’s hard, it’s not fair, and I hate you-but through my love for them, they don’t quit trying.

My plea to all who use or have the urge to use the third leg to crutch an escape plan of any kind, you have different avenues and better outcomes available to you. You have to willfully CHOOSE to do something different and work through not around the shit show called life.

But as always, your Whiskey Momma will be here to smack some sense and whiskey into your soul.

With Love Always,

WM

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The End…for Now?

Oh divorce how I love thee, let me count the ways…puke. The end has come and I have compartmentalized most of the grief. However, at times a sense of sentiment and loss hit me like a Mack truck.

Looking ahead I think about my interpersonal relationships with others and evaluate who stays, who goes, using that damn checklist. I might add that the checklist has not changed since the separation, but I have. I have allowed myself to become vulnerable. I have taken some risks to feel rejected. I have pushed people away and held them in a holding pattern. I have been pushed away and brought back into a holding pattern.

The process of moving forward after heartbreak is such a pendulum depending on who is suffering. I know those who have suffered years, months, and weeks and have struggled to move forward. Holding onto the sentiment and their fear of getting hurt again. Which is undeniably our reality.

I had another great week of growing and spending time with some extraordinary humans. Some have cast me aside (at least that’s how it feels) some have surprised and wowed me, and many continue to hold me up. The end doesn’t have to be the end. It can be beginnings and it can be opportunities.

I met “Rex” who (don’t tell him this) may be one of the most brilliant innovative minds I’ve met. Our meeting was inspiring and I know that at some point there’ll be a variety of “just sundaes” and “sundaes with all the fixings” in my future. Hoping no matter the dessert preference it’ll be profitable for the human race.

I’ve suffered as I signed the proverbial dotted line that says I can do whatever I want as a single woman. Again, lifted by the butterscotch and bourbon gods, in addition to one of those extraordinary humans who understands the suffering no matter the rage.

I have the best support system.

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Why I’m Not…Settling

This week has been a week of discernment for me. I have taken some steps back and looked at many things in my life that needed to be taken under review. You know, men, boys, an oak heavy whiskey, and the new TV show I’ve been watching.

One BIG thing I’ve been looking at are my habits of “settling” for people, places, and things in my life that only bring me low levels of joy. There are some people, places, and things that I will not be able to change, which means I have to learn to tolerate and then accept those situations. (Those situations are the ones that include other people’s choices, i.e. situations that are beyond my control.)

I experienced a week of joy that I hadn’t had in a long time. I seen stars and the Milky Way (which I haven’t seen in over ten years). I got angry. So fucking angry, and tired, and ready to quit. Then something amazing happened. I didn’t. I just found the strength I needed to push and forge ahead. I did this on my own too. No Hook, no darling ex, no one else that I’m protecting. Just fucking me.

I realized I have what I call a “life audience.” This is an audience that watches what I do and how I do it for various reasons. Maybe to be a hater, maybe to learn, or maybe to just watch and see what happens next. Either way, I will always learn from what I do. Sometimes I choose to make the same mistakes over and over, but this “settling” shit isn’t going to be one of them anymore.

If I choose you to be in my life, it’s because I sincerely care. If I choose to ignore you, it’s because you are damaging and toxic to MY (maybe not anyone else) mental health. But IF I choose you and you are not a good fit-you are one sided, selfish, completely unreliable as a human, (this is not a compete list) I will not settle for you.

I will be polite and kind but you no longer hold a spot in my world. I have too much shit to do and the world isn’t saving itself. So load up and hang on tight because I live for adventure, change, and slow dances. Oh, and a nice whiskey neat…

If my adventures aren’t your cup of tea or soda, it’s time for me to move on. Because baby, I’m not settling. Don’t DM to “cuddle” after you cut me off in traffic, I don’t cuddle. Don’t expect me to initiate every contact, because that’s just fucking funny. Definitely don’t expect me to reprise any previous relationship role as that part has been cut from my acting repertoire.

This role model has young women watching her and learning by what they see me do…you won’t be what they see. I tell them to never settle for less than a great car sing a long, laughing so hard you want to vomit, and being respected. Period.

So if you have questions about what settling is ask yourself, is this how I would want to be treated…if the answer is no, then there’s your answer. I’m not settling and neither should you. 😎🥃

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Just Let People and Shit Go Already…Or are You Willing?

Why is it a problem for people to let shit go? The bigger and the million dollar question is why can we not let people go from our lives? We seem to cling to toxic, painful, and abusive thoughts and people like it’s a sport that will result in a prize winning trophy at the end of the suffering.

We tell ourselves that the person will magically change their behavior or their mind based on what lies we tell or behaviors we tell ourselves that if we do we will get them or some version of them back. Ugh. If We change our hair (oh yeah, I’ve done this), we act nicer (meh, this isn’t something I can really pull off), we seem more adventurous or aloof, and some often drastically change their personality (ha, if I did this my personality would be worse).

Some people are easier to let go than others…this depends on individuals and the circumstances of the relationship. When I was little (and now for sure) if someone hurt me (which obviously happened in horrific ways at times) I checked them off my list of people I would no longer have anything at all to do with.

I know this is a defense mechanism and lthat has been the envy of some of my friends who know me best. However, there are those who were harder to let go because of whatever reason…in raw and true form it was harder because of the “what could’ve been” or “why did this happen and can I fix it” mentality (I know, this never helps).

So when I check people off my list now, it draws suspicion regarding my sincerity or ability to form real and loving relationships Okay. I get this. However, compartmentalization is a skill that I developed early in life to be able reconcile my abuse, or negative life events to survive and move forward. I don’t stuff (anymore), I let go.

How do I do this you ask? Okay- step one-in the moment, I ask myself what is really going on. Usually it is an emotional reaction to something painful that is being said or done to me or someone I care about. Or recently I have experienced an increase in anger (gee, I wonder why). Step two- I remind myself who I have control over ( the world!!! Jk), ME! I only have control over my behaviors.

As much as I’d love the world to fall into line the way I think it should, I do NOT have that power (please don’t tell people this I do have a reputation). Step three-once I know I’m not emotional and have regained control over myself, I take perspective. I put myself into the other person, the groups, or other entities “shoes” and/or look at the situation from as many angles as possible. This allows me to develop possible theories or an understanding for where the other person/entity may be coming from.

There are many people that struggle with taking perspective and I think when I start podding (I made this up in lieu of calling it podcasting) I’ll describe this in more detail. For now, people struggle with it because they aren’t taught how to at an early age, and thus they may not understand the importance and reasons why sharing, being considerate, and being compassionate are important.

Sometimes I have to practice these steps repeatedly and while I’m walking away angry AF, and that’s ok! I have the steps down, it’s ok to practice them anytime I need to practice them. I know what works well, however, I am always learning skills to incorporate letting toxic people and their shit out of my life. Doing this has been extremely helpful in my career (as noted by my recent job change) and it’s helpful during the divorce.

Step four- once I’m able to take perspective, I’m able to directly challenging negative thoughts, which changes my emotions from negative to slightly annoyed, which in turns allows me to calm down, which allows me to walk away and let it go. When I walk away I remind myself that it’s ALWAYS a choice to be healthy or unhealthy when I engage with someone.

But dear god help me when I want to separate myself from someone (really the fantasy of someone) and it feels like I’m ripping skin off. I follow the same steps, however, it’s much harder and usually, if I dwell on it, it takes longer to do. This has only happened twice and it’s been a long time ago. I work very hard to not get myself into those types of situations. The pain is more than I want to bear.

What about you? So do you think you could follow the steps above to try and let shit and people go? Do you think you can make the choice to let the toxicity in your life go? I’m sticking to my rule of fucking four (this is my trademark) and I’m gonna follow the steps. It has allowed me to be a good human, a co-parent, and to stay out of legal troubles when the dear ex crosses lines that causes some really strong urges.

Let it go…just fucking let the shit go.