Author: Whiskey Momma

I’m a mental health professional who has experienced life’s up, downs, and everything in between.

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In-Considerations…

Hmmm…I have often wondered to myself (probably everyday of my life), “why is that person so selfish” or said, “I guess the world revolves around that person.” I don’t do it for every situation, just the ones where it appears (facts are not present yet) the other person has not considered the impact their actions may have on me or most of the time, the people I care about.

A few superficial experiences…traffic! Traffic is a huge arena for people to take liberties of other drivers. Not using turn signals, cutting people off, driving too fast, driving too slow, using bright lights, not using lights during bad weather. The list can go on and on…and honestly, I have found myself having a gnarled vocal reaction to some of these instances. Turn signals, and speeding(yeah, I can see the irony) are my least favorite, especially when they’re combined and zooming between lanes.

Another one I take issue with…selfishness and greed. When I hear someone say they deserve…blah blah blah. The proceed to demand the world bend to their pleasure. As if they’ve done something so wonderful and then ‘take’ in quantities so much more than another person and take what they want no matter who or what is harmed in the process. Examples…the the clearing rainforest and forest, oil drilling, diamond and precious gems mining, monopolies, cheating and abusive partners, neglectful parents, insurance companies, hospitals…any restaurant that sells salmon or chicken for over $12.50….

The world has seen the disappearance of the good neighbor or the hospitable samaritan. We have to have the best, make the most, spend the least/most, look the best, and on and on…where did this all start? Greed, jealousy?

It’s all about your self worth and value you place on yourself. Ideally, those would come from within…however, the longer the world turns, the more we lean on ‘external’ person, places, things, and events to reinforce our self worth. We seem to fee I pretty without lashes, nails, trendy clothes, and even then…can you look in the mirror and really like who we see?

Are you judging others when they do not dress or act like you? Are you attacking others who have different beliefs or values than you? Can you be alone or do you need to be in constant virtual or in person contact with others? Do those you spend time with feed that wolf or hold your shit accountable?

The world needs diversity in its humans. That’s how ideas are formed and researched. If we all think and act alike then the world is going to be completely run over by assholes. We need to take the time to grow and learn to be better humans…maybe even self-actual use from time to time. The world needs it.

The world needs more considerate considerations to deter those that are inconsiderate. See what I did there…😎 I am able to to contemplate and consider different perspectives most of the time now. I do not enjoy conflict, but I can do the ‘math’ and see when someone has a bone and is wanting to growl. Let them. I can considerately deflect and move on.

It’s hard. We “feel” it’s our freedom of speech to say/text/post whatever we want and expect to have NO consequences. This is not true. When this happens friendships are lost, isolation occurs, and the social creatures that we are become bitter and resentful towards the other humans. This does not solve problems. It creates more problems.

So…your homework, when you have the urge to say whatever you’re going to say, if you have to say, “freedom of speech” to say it and it’s not related to the reasons freedom of speech was created, maybe pause and give yourself time to not respond.

I like the resource noted below…Please be consider being kind when you are being inconsiderate…❤️

~WM~

https://constitution.congress.gov/browse/essay/amdt1_2_1/

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It’s Been Awhile…

Lots of stuff have changed since my last blog…selling my house, my impending move, losing one of my dearest friends in a tragedy, and waiting impatiently for my other dear friend to wake from the same tragedy. Change is inevitable, heartache and loss cannot be avoided, but damn 2020, you’ve shaken the world up.

I’ll address the tragedy first. When I got the call while I was visiting my home and my human in Wyoming, it was surreal. A sudden loss is always a blow. The aftermath that followed and continues to follow is draining at times. But the hope is inspiring and has been the positive thread needed to keep folks from falling apart at the seams.

I won’t discuss the details. I will make one plug though. For those who feel the need to reach out to the independents of victims to seek out updates, you have no idea how inappropriate this comes across. Especially those who may have been a fleeting light in the victims life. Just don’t do it. Period. Again, I continue to pray the world is looking up for my friend.

The second topic…the move. The impatience of being reunited and at the same time respecting dutiful timelines of ending jobs, closing on properties, and saying goodbyes are a necessary task that must be achieved in order to make the move the best for all.

My bonus little humans will be the hardest to be separated from. The little humans that give me hugs and beg me to not leave are the ones that will always have a piece of my heart and thus, the distance is just that. It’s space between times when I’ll get to hug them again. They tell me I’ve made a difference to them, but the reality is, they’ve made a positive difference in my life.

The job I left yesterday, was an extraordinary opportunity to do work that doesn’t feel like work for people who are underserved. The team I worked with left me with a profound message reinforcing that I must keep my hope for humanity. That they have value and worth and no matter what happens, keep telling people they are worth it!!

The next few weeks will most likely vacillate between flying by and turtle slow but it will always be interesting. The driving, the flying, the dogs, the humans, and the goodbyes. But mostly I look forward to the next whiskey momma adventure.

My human in the mountains, the next group of humans I get to serve and support, and of course mine and the bonus kids and friendships that I’ll have while staring at the most beautiful views while I smoke meat and sip my pour.

As always, to be continued…~WM~

In loving memory of Emily Clifford 9.27.2020
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When It’s Never Enough, It’s Your Fault

What happens when you keep following the same patterns over and over to fill the voids in your life? What happens when your coping and defense mechanisms no longer tie you over until the next time? What happens when you wake up one day and realize you are surrounded by people in the same boat as you, both in physical and virtual presence?

Most people practice this pattern their entire lives. Some even after years of therapeutic interventions are offered and discussed. Why? Why does one simply just ignore lessons they’re going through and learn more than just to simply say, “yeah, that was kinda sucky, but it’s not as bad as…” then repeat the behavior?

We ALL know people who exist this way. Everyone knows someone who exhibits this toxic pattern. Maybe we know one or two, there are some that know more than a handful (me) and it’s exhausting. Which in itself could essentially be a pattern that could trap me or anyone in a rabbit hole. Luckily, I’m smart enough to set boundaries and keep them fast and hard enough (at least in the past year) to just let that person slip into whatever pattern they choose or feel, they can’t break away from, them walk away with an explosion in my backdrop.

It’s doesn’t mean I’ve given up on them; this is never really an option if you care about them. It’s just a way to maintain ones sanity and mental health and to live a healthy and balanced life. Here’s to self-care!

So what happens to our friends with patterns? Obviously, the best case scenario would be that they learn from their mistakes and grow and make changes in their lives and relationships that are geared towards being more healthy. However, they generally tend give up (cause shit gets real and it’s uncomfortable) and eventually become a victim of their own circumstance, then they cope “the way they always have.” In some cases they have made a pattern of justifying that others are at fault for their situations.

This justifying and rationalization eventually becomes “their pattern.” It’s a no win situation and it’s damaging to all their relationships. Worse yet, their children will see this behavior and learn it works to remove their responsibility for their circumstances. As a result we have an entire generation of “it’s not my fault, I wasn’t loved enough the right way” running around.

This has devastated marriage and relationship statistics, as well as an increase in incarceration and juvenile intervention rates. If no one is responsible for their actions it results in a complete break down of functioning relationships and we have a crisis of blaming others on a global level. Hmmm…sound familiar????

My challenge to you- ask yourself and others if you keep going in circles with your life? Are you having the same unhealthy relationships over and over?? Is that what you want to do with your life? To be miserable, tired, alone (don’t fool yourself just because you are surrounded by the same type of people, you feel alone) and faking your “life”?

Just do something different. It takes one leap and then keep doing something different to make those changes. Don’t stop doing something different until you can walk through your life without blaming others, life (even though this may be the case), or anything else for “why” you are miserable, making bad choices, not stopping the behavior patterns.

~WM~

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What Happens, Happens Over and Over…With an Injured Narcissist

I really wanted to start this blog off by just complaining about how near sighted (not those suffering from the medical condition) people can be about their problems and the real problems in the world. But In my experience those who want to ignore their own shit show are able to fake an ability to appear intelligent but emotional intelligence is highly lacking.

I have spent my entire career watching humans who feel broken, less than, insignificant, self-inflated, unwanted, unloveable, and have a false sense of attractiveness behave in ways that to the naked eye appears normal. However, this is not the case. I have watched these same humans reach the epitome of lying to themselves and others making it appear they got their shit together.

To the injured narcissist who is pissed because you catch on to their game may not be worth your time to engage further. Especially, if they’re playing the victim when you call them out either directly or indirectly (through a third party) for their bullshit. They are playing games. Both with themselves and others who are watching so they can continue to have a group of followers adore them AND be able to keep them as followers when their ego is injured enough to actually react when they’re called out on something they know that they should not be doing to begin with.

Why we find narcissists interesting? Most of the time they are funny, attractive, and eager to be friendly and give attention to those that can be easy to manipulate for stuff or sex. But wait. When the attention you give in return does not meet their exact specifications they will shift control in the relationship and pull the power card. This is the same in ALL their relationships; Friendships, sexual partners, and family dynamics.

Narcissistic persons can be helpful at times. They can be entertaining (at least for me) sometimes, but I have tried to be friends with some and it’s exhausting. They are most happy when you accommodate them. But the best ones are the ones who say things like, “you’re amazing and I know I can count on you when the time comes.” Wow. That’s like holding a person hostage if one lets it happen. Especially if they’re desperate for attention. Desperate people may sit and wait until they’re summoned. Either for sex, entertainment, or other kind gestures you can provide your narcissistic leader.

I’ve seen it. It’s disgusting and it’s not just men or women who linger and wait for these awful humans . It’s both! I have a few guy friends who have shared their experience. I’ll call them “Bill and Ted” and FYI- they did not having an excellent adventure. Bill recently shared his being cheated on with someone who was sleeping with a married person. WTF. Ted was dating someone who was married , but in the process of the big D, and they lied to him multiple times and was cheating on him.

It gets worse. Both took the partners back to offer a second chance and it happened again. These guys are kind, honest, and generous. I know men who have been in relationships with women who have used them, i.e. no job, cheated, lazy and then blame the men for being unhappy. Ugh. It’s sickening. The men in the same scenario and have also been unhappy, tried to make it work, but still never cheated.

These humans keep diving into the same relationship pool. Why?? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the pleasure principle. Yep. It’s the “instinctive drive to seek pleasure and avoid pain, expressed by the id as a basic motivating force which reduces psychic tension.” The pleasure principle is also nearsighted. It focuses on the immediate future, not the big picture.

So when we engage and have interpersonal relationships with the narcissist it’s exciting until it’s not. We ignore the red flags until it’s too late. We give in to our pleasure principle because it feels good, until it doesn’t. When it no longer feels good…not unlike a drug addict we seek to find the next quick fix to help us feel better and good. We do this as fast as possible. So when we do this it reinforces the cycle over and over.

Good luck in this process. It’s hard for many, especially if you married the assholes. I’m healing and walking away carrying a can of gasoline and a lit match…all hypothetical of course. 😉

Three words. Healthy coping skills. Learn to set those boundaries I mentioned in “We Give…” practice them over and over until you are able to enjoy a sense of peace with being by yourself. At the very least, ask yourself how the narcissist has positively influenced your life. If there are more sincere and truthful positives I’ll be surprised and question your honesty with yourself. But they may be there. Either way…be honest with yourself and the narcissist in your life.

~WM~

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We Give and We Give and We Give…

How much is too much to give of yourself? How many times have you asked yourself, “What is wrong with me, why am I not good enough?” I admit to doing this in the past, and sometimes it’ll rear its ugly head in ways related to the distancing and independence my little people try to exhibit (which is a great thing), but more so when I was being treated like shit by those one people.

I’ve been rolling the “I’m not good enough” (which is what makes us a victim) and the “why am I not good enough” around in my mind lately as many of my circle are feeling this burden. Even the ones that are keeping this pain in their lives. The rolling is persistent and it’s driving me crazy.

So here are my two cents…

“What is wrong with me” is a response to being rejected, and no one likes to be rejected, feel rejected, or even feel like they are not being placed first in the other person’s list of priorities. Which honestly, being the first priority in someone else’s life is not healthy…just as you should not have anyone else as a first priority in your life (we will get to that).

“Why am I not good enough” is a self defeating thought that we ask ourselves which reinforces the belief that someone else has the power to determine our worth. Ugh. We have literally given our self worth to someone else to tell us if we are good enough-IF they choose us then we are good enough, if they don’t, there is something wrong with us.

Both have implications of not having a sense of “Locus of Control” -Locus of control “is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over the outcome of events in their lives.” BUT-we actually do have the ability to control if and when we give our control and power to others. AGAIN-WE HAVE THE POWER.

We tell ourselves it’s us that is the problem and that we aren’t good enough and then we finally get past that relationship and right on to the next one JUST LIKE IT!! We need to break the pattern. It’s not easy, but the practice can be as simple as this-telling yourself:

  1. I have value… make a list of what you believe your value is-think, what do I bring to the table…I help people.
  2. I have worth…which is different from value. I have integrity and I believe I can achieve my goals if I work hard enough!
  3. No one has the power to determine if I am good enough unless I give it to them. I’ve recently begun to allow myself to explore and process how the insight and observations pointed out by the man I love change me internally and thus leading to positive outward changes.

Being able to do this has been a long and arduous journey- and I’m no where close to being done. This path is hard and uncomfortable. We often choose comfortable over uncomfortable but for your own sake- choose being uncomfortable.

Even though it’s hard to have the conversations with those we are either required to engage with, or those we want to interact with to move forward in our relationships the payoff is worth it. For the ones we are required to engage with, it will help keep good boundaries and clarity with facts.

For the relationship journey I’ll use my own experience. It’s often very exciting and I catch myself eager to learn new ways to get out of my shell and forgive myself for the lock and key I’ve used to protect my mind and heart. Sometimes I can feel very overwhelmed and I have to talk about it with my guy which again, this helps reinforce my self worth and sense of control over my life. Also whiskey. Whiskey helps.

I know it seems like it’s easy for me to point this shit out and walk away. But know, I’m not walking away. I’m repeating this everyday to whoever needs to hear it and I am in constant check of myself. Luckily, I have found my soulmate to help keep this process growing. As noted above-I do not put him as my first priority. I don’t put my littles as my first priority (their safety, yes)-I have to make myself a priority for my mental well beings sake.

No one can be in any healthy interpersonal relationship unless they are mentally healthy. One has to be able to love theirselves and take care of their mental health to truly work able to help others to grow in a meaningful way. Sure you can fake it for a bit-years even. But by then the damage is done. Years of work to undo that damage will be required. Thankfully, I am practicing this now. hopefully, always since I’m with my human.

This amazing man I love laughs sometimes because it’s hard for him to believe someone really wants the truth and to be challenged (spaced out over time of course too much and I’ll explode) especially when what needs to be said doesn’t feel good to hear. But finally, I’ve reached the point and met my human and I can always count on his honesty, loyalty, and support to grow as a human. For that, I’m grateful and fortified everyday.

Handsome D-thank you for being my binary… ~WM~

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Divorce Communication 101…

NO ONE wants to look at their soon to be ex (unless the parasite is thinking they can manipulate the host into thinking they are still worth it) let alone have to communicate or be forced to have a conversation beyond basic interactions. Seriously. Sign the papers and leave me alone. BUT. WAIT.

There is a vital need to keep dialogue open during the separation process, especially when parenting plans and schedules are a required agenda item to discuss. IF all goes smoothly, then everyone can focus on healing and moving forward.

But what happens when the soon to be ex has a personality problem that magically seems to have appeared at the start of the divorce? Well, sorry folks. That personality problem has been there for a really long time and you’ve allowed for their behavior to exist and thrive without addressing it, and the time has come to pay the piper.

Unfortunately, the piper comes the same time you’re trying to heal, figure out meaning in your life, and if kids are a part of the mess, protect them from further damage and provide an imaginary normalcy that leads to a new normal.

Here are some helpful, and proven to be successful tips when dealing with a difficult ex… Just remember buttons will attempt to be pushed so be ready to repeat some of the steps noted below.

  • If they start making personal statements of any kind towards you by ways of being demeaning/attacking you, talking about your personal life, your parenting skills (other than positive) set boundaries by stating that you do not wish to engage in further conversations if you cannot stay on topic. Then STICK to the statement. Do NOT be wishy-washy.
  • Let the ex know clearly, that all matters related to the separation of stuff and the divorce will be handled in court by your attorney. Again-do not be drawn into a text or verbal conversation with this person. They know you, they know how to engage you and keep you engaged.
  • As for the kids-same thing. Stick to scheduling topics and only use facts. Do not tell the ex what the kids tell you unless there is a report of illegal activities or you can clearly identify a decline or deterioration of the child’s well being. TALK to your attorney. Get the child counseling. DO not make up any abuse or alleged illegal behaviors to suit your cause. This will cause irreparable harm to all involved.
  • DO NOT make your agenda about causing your ex mental anguish, harm, or punishment. Although most may deny this, the separation and pending divorce is hurting them. DO NOT show outward happiness that they are suffering.
  • If all else fails in any of the small steps noted above, or if you begin to feel a rise in emotions and the urge to argue-disengage. Find a viable reason to walk away to give yourself a timeout.

There are lots of separated pairs that seek retribution for the perceived wrongs that have been committed upon them. Maybe this is owed to you, maybe not. If you are in a situation in which you claim to be completely surprised by a separation or divorce your circumstances are usually very rare if there were not clear signs that your relationship had problems.

Whatever your situation personality disorders are sometimes cleverly packaged into the “they’ll make the perfect spouse” option because you made them fit into it. We seen the signs however, we justified ignoring them. That is our fault. But now we must move forward no matter how they try to blame us or make the situation worse by attacking mental health, how one may use recreational/social time, or any other part of your life that doesn’t not pertain to them.

To be able to move forward you just use the boundaries noted above. Social media and other social attacks are not healthy for littles involved, and although you may believe you are justified in doing this, you are NOT. I have worked with many families through attorneys and the courts to address the break down of relationships with noncustodial parents and their offspring, only to learn that the custodial parent (often times the step parents too) have belittled, name called, and knowingly destroyed or damaged their child’s positive beliefs of the noncustodial parent.

I will call this out every time. The only time I will support educating a child of their noncustodial parent’s behavior is related to abuse or neglect. Parents should never use their children as leverage or as a tool to create or inflict psychological damage. This hurts EVERYONE.

Communication is the number one problem in our world. Everyone wants to talk, very few want to listen. Everyone has the right answers, very few can take perspective. “I FEEL” does not equate to “FACTS.” No matter how strong your feelings are, it does not mean it’s true.

As always, take care of your mental health…seek help if you have trouble managing this journey.

~WM~

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A Good Day to Move Forward

It’s been exactly one year since I started my quest to educate myself and others about what I learn along my “Silk Road” journey of separation, divorce, and finding myself (or at least the current version). I’ve struggled and felt despair. I’ve drank my bad days and moments away. I’ve avoided, escaped, and ignored life problems that probably needed to be addressed in the moment, but I wasn’t ready or didn’t want to deal with. But ultimately I have discovered (as of 3:30ish AM this morning), I am satisfied with who I have become (for now).

Yes, yes, I’ll continue to learn, grow, and make tons of life errors. However, when I look around my world I see happy Little’s that finally have a healthy and structured schedule, a clear- and becoming more distinct set of boundaries with the ex, and although the direct path to my future chapters with my human is somewhat blurry depending on CoVID restrictions-life is peaceful.

It’s not always peaceful. But it’s consistently peaceful enough because I have the right people in my inner circle. I don’t allow the nonsense of other humans and their drama effect my outcomes-if at all possible. I set boundaries to keep me sane and to model how this works for those that look to me for such guidance. If they choose to follow my example, fine. If not, that’s totally fine too.

AND, because I’m feeling fortified and ever grateful for my blessings I’ve decided to kick the blog up just a notch. I’ve had so many reach out after reading the blogs to either completely disagree with or completely agree with and then describe their own life situation as it relates to the topic.

They are generally seeking a sense of not feeling or being alone in their problems or asking additional information or feedback on how to handle their unique problem or situation. Which I’m happy to be of assistance, while following my personal boundaries. SO-to kick things up in a few ways I’ll be adding some actual Whiskey information tied to different topics. From novice to expert “noser” we will dive into the different whiskeys the world has to offer. Along those lines, we I’ll also talk about drinking responsibly.

I’ll also have some of my friends who are distillers, distributors, expert mixers, and connoisseurs sharing their tastes through links to various podcasts, YouTube videos, and blogs. In additional the fun and informative, I’ll be adding the serious and challenging topics that we are presently dealing with in our society around the world.

Not everyone will agree. However, unlike the “View” we will demonstrate our abilities to take perspectives, identify problems and discuss possible solutions without becoming so angry trying to push our agendas, we can agree to disagree or even better compromise without compromising our integrity.

I’m absolutely going to still write about my crap. I’m looking around the splash pad where I’m writing and can see so many issues that could write ten blogs…like this mom who is on her phone writing her blog instead of hovering over her responsibilities to limit their ability to walk. 🙄 seriously it’s gated, your kid is five, stop walking with them-it’s not Disney World.

Or, what about the mom who forgot to eat breakfast, only had one cup of coffee, and could use a Bloody Mary or two with maybe a lovely charcuterie spread. (Yes, of course this is me, and no I don’t have one, yet!)

I’m gonna add some links to this blog to start with and they’ll also be added to the main page. More will be added as time moves forward. As always, it’s a good day to move forward.

~WM~

https://www.youtube.com/c/MyWhiskeyDen

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The Inevitability

Since the creation of this blog, approximately a year ago, I have promised to be truthful and vulnerable with myself and those I allow to be within the circle. This post is no different. This year has been transforming and eye opening as I transitioned from married, separated, divorced, falling in love (um, finally) and now having to experience the feelings that result from sharing my littles and being the parent referred to as “the one that has to be tough.”

This morning I had to have a hard conversation with a little brain with an “underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex” from a spin off of events that transpired last night. A little back story…for safety purposes and good parenting strategies I do not allow sleepovers unless one is vetted. Does that make me a mean mom, yep. Does that make me a over cautious, maybe. Persistent human behavior patterns indicate that boundaries can be crossed by those we are supposed to trust the most…(fight me on this).

As a result of having a healthy conversation with the under developed brain, acceptance was exhibited. However, (and in a very loving way) I was informed that the ex’s gf was “a teensy bit nicer” (pinching fingers as close together as possible) than me. To be fair, I’m sure there are many, many, many people who are a “teensy bit nicer” than me in the world. However, the blow I fully expected to feel when I inevitably would hear such a phrase…(btw, she is really nice) didn’t hit me in the gut the way I expected it to hit.

It was weird. My brain, of course defended me (my brain is so thoughtful) by rationalizing the “firm, fair, loving, and consistent” (yelling, repeating myself a hundred thousand times, and screaming “no” more times a day than I can count) mom approach is necessary for orderly conduct and emotional regulation skill development (being told no multiple times each day builds character). A competitive ping hit my stomach, but the brain quickly dissolved that negative emotion by reminding me that there is no competition unless one creates one. With this kind human, I know there is no competition because we are both very loving moms, who would protect our cubs to the death. (I’m being quite literal)

This process was annoying, it felt human, however, it was a great opportunity to look at the situation and make sure I take away the lesson I was intended to learn. As this lesson began last night, the process for me was feeling rage for this idea being presented AT ALL…(my entitlement and expectations not being met). Venting to a safe friend…we shall call her “the Blue Fairy.” Feeling fortified by my parental Blue Fairy, I let the ex know what my expectations and limits were (while still escalating to a full on panic and “fix the situation mode”).

In the end I was able to explain my concerns and acknowledge feelings and thoughts the ex may have had. I also however, I provided and alternative solution without antagonizing or exacerbating the incident any further (problem solving). Without further incident the situation was resolved and the emotional dissonance I felt languished eventually…but the gentle reminders of my past lingered in my brain too long. Triggering more than I wanted triggered.

I don’t like feeling “out of control” when it comes to safety. I have modified how I react and protect my broad to be less intense, however, the brain still kicks into a gear that screams “don’t even try it” when it comes to their safety. I. Just. Can’t. I’m exhausted from worry sometimes and I realize the world will happen because that’s what it does. But I will do my damndest to keep them and as many as possible safe from the unseen but well known dangers that linger on the sidelines like a friend…

~WM~

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Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies…

I was watching a movie last night where Lex Luther used the media and peoples’ perception to manipulate “the Bat” and the “Caped guy that wears a big S” into believing the other one was bad…now granted, the “Caped guy” may have crossed some boundaries to save the woman he loved, but who hasn’t, right??

Anyway I digress, during the story line, it became clear that a few lies were told to misrepresent actions of others, and the pieces were being methodically maneuvered by one psychopath. My brain began to formulate comparisons to our present climate of stories, allegations, rhetoric, and fear contrived beliefs.

By the time the good guys figured out there was a mastermind behind their battle, the mastermind created a bigger evil that required the death and sacrifice of what represents “good an hope” to defeat the monster. Yeah, I know, it’s a movie and it’s fake. But come on already. The comparisons are there because the creative minds used real life as inspiration. (Not just recent events, Hitler?) I know my average brain is not the only one that seen the similarities.

The question in my mind is, are we going to let the good die in our world because we ignore the warning signs that perhaps something may be a little off…just like we do in relationships, jobs, friendships, or walking down an unsafe street or alley at night.

Why do we ignore the signs that literally NEVER GO AWAY??? Why do we think for a second that if we just let it play. We may tell ourselves “it’s not that bad, I can deal with this if its the worst thing that can happen?” Why do we sit back and “let shit happen?” We do NOT have to be complacent, we do not have to settle or accept what is being done to us. We have a voice. You have a voice in your life (I like to start small), once your clear the rift raft from your life, you can begin to work on other changes…

How? Challenge the justifications and rationalizations you tell yourself to accept what should not be accepted. “Meh, he only cheated once…” “She really wants that new house, and if I don’t get it for her she will leave me.” “I can’t do anything to change the world, I’m not important enough and don’t have any power…” These are words I have heard from people straight out of their mouths. ALL that you choose to settle for is on you.

If you are lonely, learn to love yourself and be comfortable with who YOU are. If you begin to believe that you need to be or act in any way that changes who you are in your fundamental core, then you have lost who YOU are. You will be a sheep in your life, being led by someone that works to lead you for their benefit (most of the time) not your own. DON’T BE A SHEEP!

I’m going to end this blog with a concept for your consideration…be good at living, not just being alive. Take the risk, splash in the puddle, protect your heart and mind by being honest with yourself. Lying to yourself allows others to lie to you too…

~WM~

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Just Shut Up & Keep Scrolling

Have you ever read something on Facebook and have the sudden urge to explain to the poster why their post was a problem FOR YOU? Ever see comments on posts or online articles that make you want to question the commenters sanity or their upbringing? Yeah, me too.

One of the worst type of posts I usually see are the statements of a persons “facts” based on “their beliefs and feelings.” Sometimes they have research to “support” their facts. However, their research is not typically credible and is usually based on another human perspective or idea, not statistics which is based on numbers, logic, and a formula that has been validated by other scientists. (Real scientist, not the ones who are FB group administrators.)

It’s astounding to me how I get paid to teach humans to challenge their negative behaviors that lead to bullying, drug use, alcohol dependency, and relationships and sexual dysfunction. How do I do this you ask? By teaching them to recognize when they are making choices and reacting to others comments and behaviors based on their “feelings” versus facts and sound decision making and problem solving strategies.

In a world where some prefer to watch videos on Tik Toc (which has a time and place) versus reading a book to expand their minds, and possibly developing sound reasoning strategies (yeah I almost fell asleep writing that) I get why traces of problem solving and reasoning skills are slowly slipping into the past along with being kind and seeking gratitude.

Unfortunately, the hypocrisy of this hole* situation makes my stomach turn because it’s behaviors that start at the very top of the social and political ladders, and trickles in and out of homes like snakes and into our school systems, social systems, and social media. Kids listen when parents are too focused on themselves and their own lives, versus not dropping names and poison about their neighbors, coworkers, colleagues, and leaders in our communities, which in turn teaches their children entitlement, hate, and intolerance.

It also teaches their children that they do not have to learn how to manage their negative emotions. They learn by watching their parents that it’s ok to tweet accusations, call others mean and racist names, create lies, and pain towards another human for the whole world to see and judge without the ability to have the court proceedings that our constitution has granted us the right to have before we are found to be guilty for a presumed action. Especially when there is absolutely no evidence to support these “facts” they proudly tout.

We no longer take the time to explore guilt through facts, we use feelings, opinions, and presumption. Our world has used social media to destroy credibility…unfortunately, it doesn’t just destroy the accused it can also destroy the accuser. Which some of you are already thinking, “it’s what they deserve”- and now we are back at being the judge, jury, executioner.

Lastly, for now anyway…think about how you believe you are most likely a good and kind person. Then think about how your behaviors may look to others. Next-if you have to justify ANYTHING you say or do in reaction to another persons post or comment- you are a part of the problem. You may be telling yourself your intentions are good and you are the teacher of whatever lesson, which maybe true. However, I dare you to seek out the person in real life (IRL) to have this discussion with.

Because I’m not a hypocrite and I welcome open discussion and dialogue I’m happy to talk to anyone who has ideas to improve the world through being more kind-I’d love to learn new techniques for myself!

This blog is based on first hand behavior observations and articles that include researched statistics.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame-nation/201911/adult-cyberbullying-is-more-common-you-think

https://www.wsj.com/articles/lessons-for-stopping-a-cyberbully-1463430999

*hole-this was a methodically placed typo that evokes either an eye roll and or judgement thought towards this article. If you reacted to this test using judgmental scrutiny, it’s possible you may be the person that needs to keep scrolling…