It’s been so long since I’ve written more than a progress note that I asked myself why and discovered that I have not had the energy and I have not been compelled to. Until right now.
Recently life has been ebbing and flowing in a lovely energy with the exception of a few third and fourth circle life problems. The snow is heavy, the work is the same, and the love I have in my world is profoundly a huge part of why I have a sense of balance.
Then last night discussion about how male versus female treatment in the world is calculated based on sex. The conversation alone was a typical one. The fact that if a boy gives a girl a flower it’s encouraged, but if the girl gets the flower “a dad/mom gets their gun.” I know people make jokes about this and it’s funny. But there is this early value we demonstrate to girls that might be an issue.
Passing that it was a hard discussion because I personally know what it’s like to be “valued” and be a “good and pretty girl.” All the feelings of being touched by a predator came flooding in and I was not prepared to sort them out the way they needed to be. All my insecurities and confusion about what’s “right and wrong” with what was being done to me in those moments and how they have affected me my entire life kicked me in my gut.
I slept a for shit, I have a crazy day, and I don’t want to do anything but allow my soul to find peace and quiet. However, it’s not a possibility without creating serious problems for others. So I will move forward feeling strange and asking myself the questions and honoring my feelings and fears giving myself as much space as possible. Like writing this. This was helpful.
Please take care of yourself through the volatility of our times. Take time to love yourself and others as much as possible. ~WM~
Whiskey Momma 