This past week has brought upon me a week of considerable emotions. Happiness, grief, pride, love, loss, and does not end even as I write this sentence I’m feeling everything all at once until I taste my coffee, then it’s back to gratitude. Then the cycle repeats itself.
I’m confused about the increase of emotions, especially since I’ve been excited about the holiday and the new year as my career is doing great, my humans are healthy and quite happy, and we’ve recently been able to spend time with love ones in the Midwest.
I’m recalling conversations with clients that do something like this- “my life seems so great but I can’t shake the negative emotions.” In my mind I would quickly challenge their efforts to stay in that mindset and what it’s doing for them and they, thoughtfully, would state various reasons, but the one I know for sure is always running is -if “I don’t remember the pain and grief, I’ll forget them.” It host like a freight train when I consider my “own feedback.”
The grief is like a badge that isn’t a badge at all. It’s a feeling of tightening in my chest, ache in my heart, and longing for my past when we had traditions and routines for the season. They were safe and we/I long for them sometimes. Especially, this past week. I reached out to my supports and it made it worse. I felt like I was reinforcing my grief with pity or commiserations. Ugh. A horrible cycle.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone-but I worked anyway yesterday. I forced myself to be “normal” and it was uncomfortable. I didn’t allow myself space to honor my process or my feelings. I cried privately in stolen moments of peace. I sobbed in my shower so the spray covered up the noise, and I barely used any skills to decrease the feelings. Why? Because it kept me in my space of grief.
Asking myself the why initiated this blog. What did focusing on my grief do for me or for the energy I put out into the world? Nothing good. So I choose to not wallow and move forward today. I will practice honoring my sadness when it shows and let it flow out of me without judgement or holding on to it. I will focus on gratitude, love, and hope for the new year and refocus when I feel myself slide.
We have suffered the last few years but we don’t have to focus on the losses when we can focus on the gains but remember those we love. Remember how much they loved seeing us succeed and held us up when we stumbled or struggled. I choose to focus on moving forward just like Mr. Disney encouraged…
I pray you all have an amazing end of the year and a prosperous 2023! ❤️💜WM
Whiskey Momma 