Why is change so hard for people? Moving forward/on, growing and learning, changing jobs/relationships….why is it such a struggle for people to handle change and what does this say about our own security or insecurity? The world changes, our circles change, people change jobs and people relocate for new jobs or adventures.
How many times have we said “I can’t wait to get back to normal” during Covid, or the loss of loved ones, when kids are out for holidays, or after a vacation? I get it. I was recently on a trip and couldn’t wait to get back to my structured routine of work, kids, human, sleep…however, something I caught myself doing triggered a question about why I wanted to be back home and in my routine.
While traveling I forgot things, I was not getting my usual somewhat healthy diet, I was relying on others, and plans changed all the time, all of which required my brain to be on duty and flexible making it hard to stay present and really enjoy my time. As I was processing this more through the lens of greatness aka Woodford Reserve (thank you airport hotel bar) I realized discomfort from change really extends into the realm of the hierarchy of Maslow’s pyramid…
Physiological needs are something that is better done in a place we feel comfortable. When change is occurring all around us it’s hard to make sure all needs can be met in a reasonable timeframe, reliance on being able to secure food, shelter, water, and housing can be stressful during travel. Add some clothes/shoes shopping to that mess and you have the whole first level of that damn pyramid. Again-all being done out of the comfort of our space.
That’s the first level. The second level is more about jobs and health which it’s healthy for people to change jobs about every three years before they settle into ‘the’ job and start climbing the career ladder. However, for people stay at a job being “unhappy, unmotivated, toxic, or grow resentful” and they choose to never change their situation perhaps they should ask themselves, “why” they’re afraid to change their lives. These people generally lose friends(possibly loved ones) due to this behavior and those relationships retained or maintained create a “co-dependency” relationship. Ugh.
That’s the bread and butter of this blog. Moving forward without the requirement of enmeshment. Enmeshment is a serious problem in our cultures. It promotes a poor sense of independence and loss of identity when a loss occurs. What this looks like varies but the experience is the same. There is an inability to thrive well without being near the relationship, we professionals use the word parasite/symbiotic…I refer to the scientific documentary “Venom” and “Venom: Carnage” as a great way for people to get some perspective.
Everyone has had or has a relationship in which they are closer to one person than all others. If not, that’s a whole ‘mother thing that needs to be addressed. However, if you perceive to have many symbiotic relationships and you replace those relationships over and over with shiny and new relationships as the others are lost no matter the reasons, then I encourage you to explore this in therapy or at the very least be aware when it’s happening and ask yourself why.
Again. We all crave a sense of comfort, sense of belonging, and being with our humans. However, if you replace, grow resentment for, and overall challenge your identity when you “suffer loss” it’s time to work on that and ask why.
Whiskey Momma 