I am sad today. I am not sure the exact reasons, but suspect there are many as I have had many thoughts on the brain that could be triggering. I can tell myself that I have “it so good and better than many” but to do that would belittle and undermine what I am feeling, that doesn’t seem fair (but what does fair mean and who decides what fair is, right?).
So I will write out the feelings and let them flow out. The most intrusive thought I am having is “I am not good enough.” Not as a parent, partner, friend, loved one, etc…it goes on. Then I feel this sense of powerlessness, that feels so UNCOMFORTABLE I become reactive and try to over compensate by trying to take control. I hate it. When I catch myself (the quicker the better) I can reel it back in and not be reactionary, but today it’s hard.
Today I want to just punch people in the face. I want to shut the world out and ignore everything and everyone. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request except that it is unrealistic. We can’t hide from the world for long because it keeps going-death, grief, or sadness will stop it.
I am trying to do self care, but the world intrudes with it’s demands and requirements. So self-care is in tiny increments of Hawk-Eye, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and little people hugs. I tried to shut my phone off but, people, business, life…
Anyways…feel your feelings, be you, do you, and be kind to all-because you don’t know.
~WM~
Whiskey Momma 