A long time ago in a job far, far, away…I had enough. I had enough gossiping, lying, low wages, poor morale, and bad human beings trying to convince themselves they were “doing a good job” when they were really just patting themselves on the back. To conquer my negative environment and my negative attitude I had to take back my “enough.” When I took my “enough” back, I was able to see things through a different lens and find a balance I had never had before. And now…I find myself spending time not focusing on keeping my enough.
My watch tells me when to stand up, when to breath, and under the guise of being motivational, it judges me when I don’t close my circles…I work for others and I forget self-care. I spend hours trying to keep my littles on base with persons who have their life just the way they want (zero responsibility, none of the blame), then lack motivation to make a real gesture of love and support for them. But, I digress, I will not give it power. (at least not anymore)
To take back my enough then, (and now) I had to look at things in a way I had never looked at things before. I had to close my mouth and open my ears, then close my heart, then, and only then did I feel empowered to set boundaries with others so they could not take my enough again, or better yet, I didn’t give my enough to them.
Finding your enough is simple, taking it back…well that is a bit tougher, but with the right motivation you too, can get your “enough” back. Step one, ask yourself “are you tired of being tired all the time,” “do you feel like others control your world and you’re not sure how this happened,” “do you feel like a robot with the same routine, but its not meaningful, and you’re miserable” and finally ask yourself, “what have I done nice for myself recently.”
OKAY! So now that you have done the quiz, if you’re still reading this you are either curious or looking for your test results on how to take back your “enough.” Remember all results take time and patience to achieve, however, you’ll see some changes immediately. Follow the steps below as a guide, remember you’ll need your own find your own treasure map to achieve this based on your personality, skill level, and environment.
- Close your mouth and listen.
- Listen to what everyone around you is saying and especially what they are NOT saying. Listen to the infliction in tone, their subtle pauses, vocal nuances speak volumes.
- Are they lying? Don’t say a word-unless it is absolutely your job to call bullshit, or someone is in danger (work/family). Ask yourself “why it would be important to call out their lie.”
- When it is your turn to speak or you are asked to give feedback follow these steps:
- Am I emotional right now? Will you be able to speak FACTS or FEELINGS?
- What is my motive? Are you angry and want someones behavior addressed?
- If your are in your feelings-do NOT talk, simply say, “I am taking a moment to think about the information.
- I know this is VERY hard, but if I can do it, so can you!
- Your inner dialogue will need some challenging statements, like “count to 100,” “is it a fact and if so, what are the facts.”
- Give your brain time to cool the feelings (the Thinking mind and emotional mind) down. Even if you count to 10, it will give time for oxygen to do its part.
- Do NOT react, respond-and when you respond, make sure your motives are note geared towards anything but solving the problem for long term.
- If you want to clear toxic people from your life both at work or home, be kind and set very clear and firm boundaries. Yes, this may result in a negative reaction form others, but walk away and know you did the right thing.
- Keep practicing steps 1-4 over and over until desired results achieved.
Listen, or not, I can’t make you do anything, but since you are at least here, just try this skill. If it works, great, if not, sorry you wasted a few minutes. Just remember you have NO power over anyone but yourself, and ONLY you can write your narrative IF you take your enough back.
Ruth E, this post is dedicated to you. I was looking back at FB and was reminded about you taking “your enough back.” I will say that working with You, Sarah, Heather, Angie, Amy, Chris, Gabe, Cassie, Andrew, and James we were the best team. I miss you all terribly, and I am so thankful we have stayed close!
This blogged was paired with a Teeling Irish. Its the whiskey that I relate to the most due to its beautiful Phoenix using on the label and the taste is the closest to a butterscotch note that I have had with an Irish. More to come with a full on tasting of my latest package from TJ!!
~WM~
Whiskey Momma 