I Need to Have a Moment…Seriously

I’ve been thinking all week about a way to say…I need a moment. I need a moment from life, my littles, my sadness, my expectations I put on myself, my responsibility, my work and everything in between. Seriously. I just need a moment.

But I don’t get one unless the food is fed, the laundry is done, organization is managed, needs and wants are met, and everyone is asleep.(At least, this is what I tell myself) I have been thinking about the expectations and the rules I have in place for myself, and what I am suspecting is a mom or single parent thing for a bit now.

I thought I was moving forward from my suffering and the sense of loss, and perhaps I am, but definitely at a cost. A cost of my confidence as a mom, a woman, and as a human who helps others. As I sip ( gulp) my cognac and switch to my Woodford double oak, I painstakingly think about how much I’m suffering and I am instantly aware that I am weak.

I am a weak human, I am a weak woman, and I am a weak mom. But, I can feel it in my bones that I am growing stronger and learning the lessons I am supposed to learn along the way. I just need a moment. I need a moment to remember and reflect on how my life has changed and how this new pain I’ve never felt until now pushes and drives me forward.

The losses in the past year have been extremely profound. Jobs, friends, and family that have been a part of my circle. The ones that built me up when I couldn’t do it myself. For all that, I need a moment.

Right now I have a moment. A moment to finish the blog and have a beautiful pour of sweet decadent VSOP Courvoisier and a short bubble bath…while I Snapchat with one of my young darlings in Missouri. cheering her on as she moves forward in her own journey that’s loomed with sorrows. But like me, she takes a moment for herself. Just a moment.

We rush in life to fix this, take care of that, cool this, sooth that…yet we seldom take a moment when we need that moment. We need to take more moments…seriously. Take the moment…

Thank you Lady A from Jeff City. You’re a shining star I’m the world of so many dark hearts…love and gratitude, WM