How to start this tirade without making it sound like I’m in a tirade has been a challenge for me. I was trying to sleep (which is hit and miss these days) the other night and I began to think about my old “friends” that went on trips with my family, spent time at parties for my littles and how their “friendship” wasn’t really a friendship at all, ever.
I took perspective and thought about the changes in the persons life that they told themselves in order to keep distance before and after I left their close proximity. I can see some rational distance as this person had made their way up the chain. Then I realized that I actually felt sorry for this person. “I feel sorry for this person.”
When I got my divorce, they knew and there was no reaching out. I seen them at 12 West and had a drink with them. Months passed after saying “keep in touch.” I sent messages, making the effort because I know they work long hours. But nothing. I’d see them pretty routinely drinking at 12 West and I’d say hello…but nothing.
Then my mom died. Mom made them treats and gave them gifts and whatnots. I sent a message to them and I received one response and although kind, it was distant and what one might say to someone who was a Facebook friend only. WTF is wrong with people?? Then I realized that this person has continued to have a serious inability to connect with other humans on a emotional field to maintain that lack of connection as a possible protection. But seriously, this person is in the helping field!
I explored the relationship and the stories this person shared with me about growing up and realized, this is why they struggle with leadership and other human connectedness areas. I feel sorry for them. When I first thought about this I was angry and hurt and felt betrayed. However, in reality they’re the one who is not equipped with the parts to be connected to others unless it’s on superficial level beyond a very few people in their circle.
That makes me sad. But it also makes me appreciate how passionate I am to help and make the connection with others. I can absolutely set boundaries and walk away with a huge explosion and AC/DC playing in the background, but when I make connections, I make connections….for that, I thank my mom.
The next time we get angry about a relationship falling apart maybe if we take perspective and create a whole picture of what all parties bring to the table (core beliefs, traumas) we can see that what we think we know, isn’t what we really think is happening.
~WM~
Whiskey Momma 