I have had the profound privilege and honor of being able to meet and talk to some really incredible humans. I have learned through my recent life lessons that I have clearly been doing the relationship and love thing half assed. I have spoken to both men and women about their woes and struggles with connecting with their respective partners, in addition to their prospective love interests.
What I hear is all the same. “They are so nice, but…” and “ugh, they hit most marks but…” I have a few theories about why folks are so incompatible after the first six-months or less of their “relationship.” I have proposed this theory in the blog in addition to those who are struggling and complaining about their said relationship.
COMMUNICATION…again. But this time, I’ll add more in-depth details. For example. In these modern times messaging is the go to to make contact with prospective interests. They look at a facebook picture and they either like it or not. What I have discovered is that there are many that post pictures layered and loaded with filters. (Shame you can’t use filters for personalities)
The initial contact takes courage and gumption, but the follow through is comical and often laced with insecurities and a hidden agenda. How do I know this, because I have a hidden agenda. My agenda may not be so different from some, but I can vouch it is different than most. My agenda is to cut through the bullshit and find out who the human behind the keyboard really is.
I have received many, “you’re pretties,” and “what do you do for fun’s.” But it’s the bullshit callers, the whiskey lovers, and the reality based humans that have impacted me the most. Some folks that have hit the inner circle I actually met in person before connecting online and have since become “besties” and really close friends spending time together after hours sharing and breaking bread together.
As previously mentioned in a way back blog, one gentleman (Davy Jones; the musician and the Pirate, watch out Hook) told me “intelligence was sexy“ I thanked him kindly, then asked him,what he knew about my intelligence. His response was so real that he had obviously put some thought into his statement prior to making it. Little did I know that a conversation that kicked off several months ago would make me think about the level of what love could be today. ( I thought I knew all there was to know about this NOPE)
What appeared to be engineered as a solid friendship, has evolved into this relationship that challenges my beliefs and what I thought I knew about love and the next level that one can achieve with love. He spoke about past loves he had and how connected he was to them through his soul. WTF! I never knew this existed, let alone feel or experience before. When I asked him to describe this more, he said it was “euphoric” and that it was “beyond just falling in love.” He described this beautiful concept that I feel like I have only seen in movies or read about in books. It BLEW my mind.
So much that I had to take a few days to process what he was discussing. I shared this new perspective and concept with some of my buddies. They were thrown off and unaware of this concept, which made me feel less alone in the loveless world I live in. One buddy said she knew “one person like this,” (I checked, they aren’t the same person) and the audience in the room was completely surprised to the fact that there are two humans that have this perspective, let alone two men!
Which made me think about this and process the topic a little deeper. What if there are more “Davy Jones” out there and they are hiding in plain sight because they haven’t been given the chance to express or give love the way they want to or connect and express the love they have out of fear or shame for being so expressive. I say this because when I was describing this to a group of guys, while all by one was in support of this dynamic, one guy (who is 65) had nothing nice to say about this expressive style of emotion.
I gently explained the generation gap, noting that how he was raised to suppress his emotions (which BTW he is alone and watches a lot of porn) may have an impact on his perspective on love…anyway. The other participants were ecstatic with the news that another man was willing to share these feelings. Of course they had advice and recommendations on how to keep this particular relationship (all of which I am well versed in).
But the truth is…I’m not sure I am worthy of this level of intimacy. I want to be. I want to have this type of emotional connectivity, but it’s scary to be vulnerable with my heart. Yikes! I know something this emotional would be amazing, but its scary as fuck. The things I tell myself often determine the direction I allow my heart to go.
I remember writing about the first time I fell in love, and how the guy would play songs for me that I didn’t pay much attention to until later in my life. Now I listen to the music that is being sent to me regularly and I am a big fan…I’m also paying attention this time. As Mr. Brooks once sang, “Life are better left to chance, I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d have missed the dance. Don’t miss the dance…
The most telling of how this may play out will be how I cope after this blog is published. I am unable to “spill my guts” on this until I see more on how this plays out…I enjoy putting up walls and create a pain prevention plan, however, this opening of the heart is making me feel better even when I feel worse. ~WM~
Whiskey Momma 