In the spirit of how I have been sent a barrage of messages from women telling or asking me (not exactly in the nicest way) to step away from their male Facebook friends for one reason or another, or in one case, just your basic scorned female wanting to punish me for cockblocking-or in this case, busting her motives so my friend couldn’t be manipulated. I am going to write about some relationship guidelines that ironically (because I’m divorced) may help you see that “that guy” is a fucking human and every human has needs…
Men love sex. A lot of women love sex. But for this blog, I am going to summarize why men like sex and some considerations for their pleasure.
1-Testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone that ignites the sexual arousal that happens when men see something that is arousing-nakedness, large breasts, asses…you get the point.
2-Excitement and hunger. Men crave the excitement of the possibility of sex…the who, what, when, where, why, and how, keeps them fantasizing and building up the hunger and excitement. Also- the 5w’s&H was created by Aristotle. A. Man.
3-Sex is the way he gives love and feels love. Men feel so good when they can give a woman sexual pleasure. I know that there are women out there that disagree with this, however, of the many men I have asked about this, giving women pleasure is an “ultimate high.” Many men ask their partner what they want, however, the responses they receive are often prudish and guarded. This closes the door for many men to be open with their partners with their sexual requests due to fear of being judged, told no, or ridiculed. However, when a man is able to receive pleasure he requests from his partner, he feels the weight of the world drifting slowly off his shoulders and creates a feeling of attachment.
So what does all this mean. Men love to hear that they are sexy, that they are wanted, and that they have fantastic fucking body parts. (Puns are all intended) It is amazing to me when I hear men say that they have never been told that they “are great kissers” or that they have “fantastic dicks.” They need to know this. It helps build their self esteem, which makes them feel better about themselves in other parts of their lives.
We want a man to be strong, to take care of us, to keep us safe, and to work hard, but often we are unwilling to stroke the part of his ego that actually relates both physically and chemically to that behavior reinforcement. It is so important for this to happen because if it doesn’t, even the healthiest of marriages/relationships will crumble like Rome-slowly and you’ll be taken by surprise when you really shouldn’t be.
So, how do you know what they want when you have shame about the topic of the conversation, or you’ve had the same conversation multiple times, but nothing has changed? If they have showed you, described in detail, and possibly have used crayon to show you details of what they like and you are not willing to compromise or what we call in the therapy field…grow, then be prepared for the fallen relationship. Period.
If you are unwilling to have the discussion about what you like and don’t like, then be prepared for the fallen relationship. BUTT- (again, intended) if you are willing to talk about, try new things and grow together in the intimate and sexually intimate relationship, by remaining open to this growth-you may have a partner that doesn’t look at porn (very much) or your cute friend for fantasy material. He may feel happy and satisfied enough to meet some of those expectations you may be putting on him.
So, let’s have this discussion now. Some things to consider or for some, reconsider trying- anal sex. If this is something your partner has casually brought up and you have slammed the door, consider opening the door and educate yourself on the how to’s. My advice-invest in SILICONE base lube. DO NOT buy the water base unless you are allergic to silicone.
The next plea I have for partners to consider or in most cases, reconsider talking about…oral sex. Men and most women, LOVE oral sex. There is something about their partner looking up at them when they are in one of the most intimate and submissive positions. Many women have complaints about a gag reflex, however, there are many products on the market that can help with that issue. The products available to aid in this area, such as “comfortably numb” (Amazon) will allow this process to occur more, “smoothly.”
There are many more ways to please your partner and make your sexual relationship more satisfying and I strongly encourage you to explore this further. I also encourage you to consider reflecting on the intimacy in the relationship, i.e. do you still have conversations about topics other than kids, home shit, work, and other busy details. Are you using social media to set a standard or give an impression of a perfect relationship and he can’t live up to or better yet, is tired of trying to live up to it. Focus on your relationship and how to make it prosper no matter the busy and crazy schedules that exist. But be real AF.
Don’t take your partner for granted. They are a whole person with or without you, and it is better for you if they include you in their wholeness versus the crumbling relationship. Now time for some disclosure-if you are not nice to your partner and they find out, the fun times band wagon will leave the station. If there are other extenuating life circumstances-illness, trauma, or anything else that may be an issue that impacts this process, TALK to your partner. COMMUNICATE before the relationship begins so the dialogue is open and honest.
This is a long blog, but it is honest and is an absolute plea on behalf of every man I know based on conversations and research. They want you and if you take the time to love yourself and show them how much you want and love them, your relationship will have a greater chance for success. It should also be noted that I am fully aware that there will be many that disagree with this blog…that is OKAY. You can and it’s healthy to disagree. But please consider the message.
Always keeping it real…~WM~
Whiskey Momma 