When is the right time? Who is the right person? The truth is, we never know. The timing may feel right and perfect, but I’m here to tell ya, when it feels perfect, that’s not scientific proof that your heart won’t shatter into a million little pieces. To absorb some of the possibilities of the relationship fallout we typically use our measuring “sticks.” (Pun intended)
You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine-or is it, “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine?” Either way, there is really one of two messages humans want to transmit during this very important interchange. This is for both sexes, either-1) “Are you going to hurt me?” or 2) Are we hooking up?”
Both animal instincts to protect you in their own way. The “Are you going to hurt me” interchange uses a multiple choice, a likert scale, and an essay section for qualifying candidates. This is conducted throughout the whole relationship process, which ironically enough, most likely began by using the latter of the two interchanges-“are we hooking up.”
Are you going to be hurt? The simple answer is yes. Every relationship has suffering. Every type of relationship-friendships, familial, coworkers, -every type. The question is, what level of suffering are you willing to take? Are you walking into a land mine zone wearing blinders, or have you reflected and overthought the relationship until the horse has been dead for a few days?
What are you using a measure? Are you constantly comparing them and looking for specific qualities? Are you insecure with yourself to look for minimal standards without excess achievement to have to compete with? (Mostly men do this by the way) Sexual compatibility, looks, personality, the list most likely and should be extensive. However, as humans are fickle and creatures of habit with doing “what’s safe and comfortable”, this measuring system may not be successful.
But it’s an exciting risk to take when you are ready. For some, like me, it’ll catch you off guard. Which it has for me. But the timing is never right. So be ready for that. because that can be just as painful and a negative reinforcement if we let it. Which I do sometimes and tell myself it is to protect my sanity and the stupid thing in my chest.
Then we have the “are we hooking up” measure which has less requirements (for some). When this process goes down (yeah I caught that) sometimes all bets are off, especially if alcohol is involved. Sometimes it’s the “last man/woman standing and they are kind of cute, so why not,” or “I’ve had worse.” Another is the play…the “flirted, bought drinks, laughed at all the jokes and I need to get laid” play. My favorite, “I offered to buy or bought you a drink, so you owe me” play. (This really is bordering on deviance, I’ll slam you and you’ll never know what happened)
So looking back, if you’re using the same measuring stick, or the third leg to find the “right” one, then your results will be the same over, and over, and over…doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results has a definition. I’m not using it because I don’t buy it. You are doing the same things and using the same tactics because either you are too lazy, scared, or like your situation (victim stance, manipulative, or have personality disorder.
You are responsible for the change in you. No one can control you and you do not have the right to control another person. Get woke already. If you’re my age you’ve received plenty of feedback from people related to your personality and trouble with your relationships. If you love yourself, do something about it…~WM~
Someone (you know who you are) will say this is not a deep reflection of my emotion or presentation of where I am in my life. That’s ok. But the truth is, it really is. I see and have made pattern mistakes. I learn and do something different now…30 times later. ❤️
Whiskey Momma 