So this is a pretty negative title but most of my blog titles have some form of sarcasm and may feel pointedly directed. Especially, if you can relate to or exhibit said behavior(s) which are being written (pointed out) about. So I will start by admitting that at times, I can be a Toxic Taker too. WHAT? But I give so much of myself, right? Hold on tight, cause shit is about to get real.
First, let’s define what a toxic taker (my definition, this is not in a “dicktionary” anywhere) is a human who, takes and takes from persons, places, and things, beyond the societal norm and/or expectations. Generic examples of having an interpersonal relationship with a toxic taker is, during conversations with a “friend” the taker will, instead of listening to what the other person is saying about their life, interjects and interrupts to discuss their own shit(either intentionally or unintentionally) not giving two shits about how this may affect the other person.
Another example of the toxic taker is a person who routinely plays a victim in order to gain sympathy, in an effort to gain something from the other person. We all know these people. (Think of ex boyfriends or Bundy) This persons behavior is reinforced by good and vulnerable people everywhere. They achieve financial gain, notoriety, and most of the time this person is able to achieve sex and power from their targets.
When do I do this? Which by the way is mostly unintentional. The times when I do this consciously is when I am deliberately using sarcasm/humor to distract, when I’m deliberately being a bitch, or when I have hit my fill of dumb ass. I try not to have to use the latter two, but it happens because sometimes “being a bitch is all a woman has,” and because I am so pissed, and I AM DONE. (If I were you, I would avoid the last one, it is most unpleasant)
Now for when it has been done to me…how about when I have given and given and then it’s never enough? Examples? Forgiveness of infidelities and lies, allowing (but not realizing until it’s too late and being done) people to walk over me in hopes of promises made or alluded to that they never intended to keep. The narcissistic personalities I find myself drawn towards in the past need to stay well enough in the past.
This is one of those times I’m not trying to be a bitch and again, if you are reading this, it is only meant to evoke consideration and invoke thought. Perhaps “change thinking” but my guess is though, you are getting flushed and pissed. I don’t care. I want you to feel your shit. I want you to feel your shit real bad. So bad you may not speak to me for days because you are feeling the conviction the blog is meant to trigger.
If that’s the case, are you a three legged toxic taker? If so, no need to reach out again. I was fine without you once and I’ll be ok without you when you’re gone.
This blog has been days in the making and I struggled through to this point. I have a wonderful friendship with someone who once lived here and now lives where I want to live. Through our conversations and our statements of “I wish you lived closer” or “I wish we would have spent more time with you when I lived closer.”
But the truth is, we spent so much time, and still do, with toxic takers. We dedicate our time to people who are in need due to their life circumstances (choices) and don’t spend time with those that build us up and refill our tall double whiskey glasses. That needs to change. We need to empower our relationships with those givers. We need to give back to the givers. Not the damn takers.
I’m going to end this with a sweet note from my sweet friend who I miss dearly.
“Krissy, i don’t know if you realize this or not, but no matter what happens to you or around you, you are incapable of NOT being a loving human. If more people could be like you, and feel things the way you do, the world would know nothing but peace and love!”(sic)
My eulogy.
Whiskey Momma 