Oh man. I have recently been researching the art of flirting and I’m learning to be able to recognize tells of human behavior. I’ve been doing this for a few reasons, but the biggest one is the fact that I MISS the fucking boat when subtle flirting is present. I can recognize the obvious flirtation or overt sexual requests.
An example of the overt flirt, one time when I was working the state fair of Texas one of the guys running a ride actually said, “you know you wanna fuck me” thinking this would possibly work! He was funny, but that line was not. In fact, I remember asking the best friend if I “could have fun with him.” Which mostly consisted of me ignoring him and sending trashy women his way. All while making sure he knew he had no chance with me. I know it’s bitchy, but this guy is a predator.
But the subtle flirting style has never been on my radar. EVER. A smile is easy to see, but I missed the intentions behind the smile. I’d say that started a long time ago when that first guy played “Love of a Lifetime” especially for me and I was like “whatever.” I didn’t get it! Looking back I wonder if I wanted to. He always did subtle gestures like that. I didn’t recognize or appreciate these gestures.
There are three types of non verbal flirts. They are “lookers, listeners, and feelers (the less creepy word for touchers). The looker- makes eye contact that is directed only for the intended target. It’s subtle at first then the “look” lingers. Letting the person know they are interested.
Next we have the “listeners.” They are making connected eye contact and letting their target know they are interested and that they are interesting. This may escalate to personal stories being shared, intended to appear emotionally vulnerable. Most guys do not allow more than a superficial vulnerability to be seen, however the woman is willing to share to make themselves appear they need to be cared for-which for some men, they need to feel needed and some men have a hero complex that motivates them to act instinctually to rescue a damsel in distress. (But let’s be honest, most are Shrek in rusty armor)
The last non-verbal communication that can be used, which is often the final act in the escalation of flirting is “TOUCH”…the subtle (should be kept subtle) gesture depends on the content of the conversation and if the other person is interested. There are times when a touch of the arm, or graze or lingering of hand/fingers on the shoulder or forearm may indicate attraction or intent for more interaction (maybe of the sexual kind). 😎
Here are a few catches to the art of flirting I’ve noticed. Some folks get skittish when you catch on to the flirting and begin to reciprocate. Maybe their motives behind the “flirt” are not to flirt with you, it may be their personality or the job they do i.e. Jake my sweet bar manager flirts because that’s the job (however this does not include me, he said so). Additionally, I know a guy that likes to flirt until I push back and right up to the brink of being on the same level as him and it freaks him out. Right, Hook?
The moral of the story…be careful who, where, and when you flirt. Make sure you are sure about the cues you are “seeing” and “using” to flirt or if you’re intentions are not to flirt-DON’T. If you think someone is flirting but not sure, ask. If you aren’t careful, you may be flirting with disaster.
Big thanks to 102 Tap House and Jake. I love sippin and writing while readers allow me to ask their perspectives on subject matter.
Whiskey Momma 