I recently read an article about Nelson Mandela. He talked about the many years he spent, naked, sleeping on wet concrete floors while in prison. He talked about being “freed from prison” although he spent many many more years in prison. When I read this article I internalized his message being he was able to let go of his anger and other emotions that reinforced or justified his hatred and negativity towards his captors.
Using that message and interpretation, I process and view my interpersonal relationships and perspectives on my views of the world. More specifically, what will my next steps moving forward in what I want in a relationship. Relationships are not limited to a romantic partner, they also include my friendships and familial.
I consistently talk about how we put ourselves into a box, or try to fit a mold based on someone else’s expectations. I can use a recent example of how as a woman, it feels and seems that I’m placed into a role or a particular mold based on others‘ experience. For example, if someone experienced a woman that was deceptive, hurtful, and manipulative…guess what? I am automatically placed into that role until I prove myself to this person.
Is this true or false? Guess what, it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s my perception, which makes it my reality in “the moment.” After thinking about this a great deal, I realize that it doesn’t fucking matter. I live in a world where others attempt to dictate my thoughts and emotions based on their fears and limitations, NOT MINE. They are sensitive to my success. They are sensitive to change or fear being in second place or worse being replaced.
To be fair, these are common human behaviors that I have learned are not only being tolerated in the relationship realm, but in the workforce. Women are expected to carry on the human race, but god fucking forbid they act like they have children. Or worse, we should be born with a penis too, just to give us a level playing field with committee and board members. BTW-I have been told if I had a penis, some of my problems I had in the last would never have been an issue.
Either way, we put a box around ourselves and declared the space our limitations. No one seems to go outside that prison and NO ONE can get through. Small and simple based on a fucking fear we refuse to address based on core beliefs and justifications we refuse to fucking challenge.
Hooks recommendation is to not become emotionally invested. How the fuck can I possibly do that? I’m a therapist and a helper. Can you imagine a therapist who doesn’t have a level of emotional investment with the persons they help? Well I’m going to try like hell to be this person. Emotional pain is not a comfortable feeling and I wish to avoid it like the plague. I tried. It hurts. I hate it.
Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow. But not today. Not today. Today I wrote in hopes and in effort to educate and empower not only myself, but those who relate and are deeply affected and are being inflicted by their suffering. Also-I’m challenging my limits and I challenge all of you to do the same. Stick a tiny toe outside your box…
Whiskey Momma 